It's hard to believe sometimes how fast time has been moving since I have become a mother. It seems like only short time ago that four years ago on this day (the week of her birthday), I would be expecting Danelle to be born any moment and very anxious for the arrival of our daughter. Around this time of year, I do a lot of reflecting back on my memories of when Ellie was born, and I have decided today to put my memories in a blog. It will be hard to make this short, so bear with me.
FINDING OUT WE WERE EXPECTING
Shayne and I had been married a year when we decided it was time to start a family. Sadly, around this time Shayne's Grandmother, Elthora Underwood, had passed away from cancer. Feeling that we all needed raised spirits, we decided to go ahead with our plan to have a baby even though it seemed like a hard thing to focus on. I had been reading pregnancy books for about three months before making the decision and I felt ready for what a pregnancy would bring to my life. I was very excited. I even recall having an outfit already picked for her, and I loved looking at the sweet little outfit and knowing our baby would someday wear the clothes.
August 2004, we took our first vacation being married to California with my family. I remember carefully packing a pregnancy test because I would find out over the time of our trip to California. We had a great time in Disneyland, Knotts Berry Farm, Sea World, San Diego Zoo, and the time spent with the family camping. Finally, after about a week of our trip, I was about 4 days late. I told myself I would wait until Saturday, August 14th to take a test. That morning, I woke up extremely early, secretly took my pregnancy test from my suitcase, unzipped the tent, and walked over to the public restrooms.
I was very nervous to look at the test, but not surprised when I saw a plus sign as my results. Somehow, I knew we would get pregnant on the first try. Knowing I was pregnant, I took my test back to the tent, and started thinking of how I would tell Shayne.
That day, we knew we were going to Disneyland. Finally, at one point, I went to the Disneyland Gift Shop, and purchased a post card. On it I wrote, "Disneyland is the happiest place on earth, now it's the happiest times two; because I just found out, I'm having a baby with you!" I stuck the postcard in my pocket, and waited for a good time to give it to him. Finally, atop the Ferris wheel in Disneyland California, I gave him the post card. We hugged, and were so happy. The news spread fast. Everyone pretty much knew we were expecting before the end of our trip to California.
PREGNANCY
I loved being pregnant. Of course, I got sick, and at times became very uncomfortable. For the most part though, I enjoyed the process and knowing I had a baby inside me; a girl. My first thought was "it's a girl." I always felt that she was a girl, even though the Certified Nurse Midwife thought it was a boy for a very long time due to the slow heartbeat.
Finding out I was having a girl was not an easy process. I had an appointment scheduled for an early date in December 2004. I remember the receptionist saying, "Utah Valley Medical Center at two." What she had actually said was "TEN." I missed my appointment. Discouraged, I made an appointment at the Spanish Fork Clinic. I had a to know - that day. I got in moments later luckily, only Ellie wasn't cooperating. We went home still wondering - girl or boy?
December 23, 2004 I had another ultrasound appointment. I was determined to find out her gender this time. Still, no such luck. Not wanting to leave unknowing, I asked the doctor if I could drink a root beer, and walk around to see if she would finally work with us. Luckily, it worked and we found out she was a girl. Our Danelle Elizabeth. (DAN- after my late Father, Daniel Burrows, and ELLE after Shayne's Grandmother who had recently passed. The Elizabeth was chosen because it flowed with the name. Later, I realized I had unknowingly also named her after my best friends at the time....)
We told our family the gender by gathering them all together that night, and over some cocoa and popcorn, we had them first take guesses if it was a girl or boy. Half said girl, half said boy. Finally we played a game. I had pink wrapped, and blue wrapped bubble gum. Mixed together, hundreds of bubble gum. The pink gum higher in number, and they were to count the gum to find out girl or boy. In about 5 minutes, they found out it was a girl and it was a happy day!
NEARING THE DUE DATE
By about eight months, I was ready to meet my baby. With the help of my Mom and Shayne, we had put a Winnie the Pooh border around the baby room, and painted. Shayne and I picked out a cheap nursery set, and we had been given a rocking chair for Christmas that year. We had clothes and all the essentials. All that was missing was Danelle.
37 Weeks had come, and I was scheduled for a checkup. At this visit, my blood pressure seemed higher than my other visits, and the CNM wanted to have me go to Orem Community Hospital to perform a stress test on the baby. At which time, the nurses also "checked " me. I was one centimeter dilated, and 50% effaced. This made me very excited. I assumed Danelle would be born any day. She was a healthy weight and size, and I guess my heart became set I would see my baby sooner than my due date. The CNM's put me on modified bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy, hoping to keep my blood pressure in check (not realizing I had a heart problem, which I will have to tell you all about in future blog).
The waiting was almost more than I could take. During my 39th week, I started to wonder if I was in labor at different times, and went to the hospital to be checked, hoping they would keep me. At my 40 week check up, I was completely swollen, in pain, large with baby, and impatient to have her born. I remember crying, and hoping they would send me to the hospital for an induction - no such luck.
That week, I had many ultrasounds. They monitored Ellie very closely. My mom usually went with me to these check ups, and I enjoyed making a day of it by going to lunch and spending time with her. The morning of my last stress test, I decided to take my mother in law and also pregnant sister in law with me (I know my mom was sad she wasn't there for this test). They performed the test, and decided that I needed to go to Orem Community Hospital to be induced for labor.
IT'S TIME!!!! OR SO I THOUGHT....
I remember my excitement to find out that I was finally on my way to being induced. I also remember quick feeling of nervousness and unknowing what to expect from the process. I quickly called Shayne to tell him that I was going to the hospital. I called my mom, who rushed right over to spend much of the day with me. Shayne finished his day at work, and met me around dinner time.
Still at a one in dilation, they gave me Cervidil to help get things moving. I was expected to only have two doses, both six hours apart. However, after 12 hours with the Cervidil, not much appeared to be happening, and they gave me a third dose. By 6:00 am, April 29th (nearly 41 Weeks along), I still seemed to be "stuck." They finally gave me the drug I had been waiting for, Pitocin. I wasn't too sad that I hadn't had the baby overnight though because I got to shower and feel better prepared after a night's sleep. They assured me, "one way or another, you will have this baby within 12 hours."
Shayne called everyone early that morning, excited to tell them today was the day. He also told them I was "progressing quickly" because I had started feeling pain. I believe the pain I was feeling was more due to being in a uncomfortable hospital bed for 24 hours already. Needless to say, a flood of people came to visit that morning, wanting to be there the moment Ellie would make an appearance.
The hospital nurses kept highering the doses of Pitocin. They checked me almost hourly. Nothing. I was going nowhere. I wasn't even effacing. We started to wonder if Ellie was stuck. They assumed she was a big baby - even 9 pounds. I began to worry. By the afternoon, my crowd had left and it was just me, Shayne, and my Mom at the hospital waiting for what would happen. Not knowing how Ellie would be born.
By about 1:00 that afternoon, even the nurses started to worry. I had been on Pitocin 7 hours, and still no progress. My CNM (Certified Nurse Midwife) was starting to think I needed a C-section. She told me they were going to get everything ready, and wheel me in at 3:00 pm where another doctor would deliver Ellie. I was given an epidural (FOUR TIMES!!!! NOT FUN) and was told to get my rest before they deliver her.
I remember at this point not caring HOW she was to be born. I just wanted her to be safe and healthy. I also remember the overwhelming feeling of saying goodbye and hello at the same time. Saying goodbye to my pregnancy, and having her all to myself, the fun times glowing and the excitement of waiting for her. I was saying hello to her coming into the world, meeting me, my new life, and the changes that I was about to expect. It was quite overwhelming. I remember crying for a moment, soaking it all in.
FINALLY - SOME PROGRESS!
Time was coming close for my scheduled C-section. I was surprisingly calm, and comfortable with this decision. Ten minutes until 3:00, my nurse came into the room and said, "Ok, they are all ready, I just want to check you one last time, and then we'll get you in." Upon checking me she said, "Wait, what is this? Oh my goodness, you are at a three!!!"
I couldn't believe it! I was finally in labor!!! I guess being so calm and being pain free was agreeing with me. The midwife came into also check me, moments later. "No, no, I actually think she is a four." NOW I WAS PROGRESSING QUICKLY!
My CNM told me about a hypo birthing method she would like me to try to see if it will help me dilate. She told me to imagine opening every cupboard in my house. Don't close them, open them all up. Anything I could think of. With my Mom's help, we opened everything in the house. I was checked again, only a half hour later than my last check. "You're a 6," the nurse said. They broke my water at this point.
We kept talking, and a half hour later, my nurse again came; "eight centimeters!" Realizing this was getting close, my Mom helped me open everything in my house in my mind again. Halfway through (about 10 minutes into the process), I feel the strongest urge to PUSH!!!! It was very distinct, and very real. I wondered if I would feel that with the epidural, but apparently you can.
Stopping right where we were, we called in the nurse. I was a ten. Shayne began his chain of phone calls when I was eight centimeters, and so by this point, a large group of family had formed outside my door. My Mom and Shayne would be present at the birth (when there is a next time, I will have a larger group of females in the room).
NOW IT'S TIME!
My CNM was making her way to the hospital, and my room was now surrounded by nurses and and everything you need to have a baby. I had been practicing pushing, and felt ready to be a Mom. Finally when my CNM came, we started the process. Pushing for 10 seconds, taking a breath, pushing again. I was focused, and tuning out everything around me. I couldn't tell you what Shayne and my Mom were doing at this moment other than hearing them occasionally saying, "good job! Almost!"
Finally, I heard my CNM say that the head was out, and I had to stop pushing a moment. Moments later with one small push, Ellie came rushing into the world. She was placed on my tummy, and I took my first look at this little person who was my daughter. I would say it was love at first sight, but I loved her long before she came onto my tummy that day. She was perfect. She was everything. I love her so much.
She was 7lbs, 15 oz. 20 inches long. Born at 5:32 p.m.
After seeing her cleaned up, and after a room full of family had gone back to their homes, I realized how very much she looked just like my baby picture when I was born. Of course, this made me a very proud Momma. She was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen (of course, wouldn't any mom say this?). Shayne was a sweet loving father from the start. They snuggled on the couch and the chair most of the day the first few days, bonding and sharing special moments.
It really hit me that I was a mother when I smelled that Danelle had a bowel movement, and I called the nurse in expecting her to change my baby. The nurse only said, "diapers and wipes are under her bassinet," and left me to my job. I remember being embarrassed for expecting the nurse to change her for me, and clumsy tried to put on her diaper. I never asked the nurse to change her again.
FOUR YEARS LATER
It's hard to believe that on Wednesday, my little Danelle Elizabeth will be four years old. She is such a blessing in my life. Her father and I love her so very much. She is the center of our universe. We love being together, and I feel so blessed to of had so much time to bond with her before we have another child (or children) in the upcoming years. We are best friends. Constant companions. I would do anything for her. She is always on my mind. It's because of her I can't wait to have another child one day.
Motherhood has been such a blessing to me. Everyday, she makes me want to be a better person. Danelle deserves the best. I know I am far from perfect, but I strive to give Ellie a good life and home and one that she will look back on with fond memories. We love to be together. Shopping, playing, going on dates, laughing, watching movies.... I look forward to family vacations, and the memories we will make together. She is very special.
I can't say enough about Shayne as a father. He is the gentle kind. He is soft spoken, and patient. He loves to make her laugh, and see her smile. Over the years (from about the age of one), he has unselfishly helped her when she needed him in the middle of the night, because he loves her so much and he loves me and wants me to sleep. His gentle nature makes him good for the job, even though he jokes around about his lack of sleep. Shayne listens to Ellie's thoughts, and makes her feel validated and understood. He is a great father. We are so proud that he is showing her a good example by going to school, and one day he will have a job with much promise. My love has grown for Shayne so much seeing him as a loving father.
I look forward to Wednesday. We will be celebrating her birthday with Shayne's birthday on May 17th, and a small outing to the Thanksgiving Point Farm and Cabela's this Wednesday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELLIE! WE LOVE YOU!!!!
