Oh CHRISTMAS Tree!

My Facebook status right now. "I had wonderful intentions with our home made gingerbread tree ornaments but its backfiring like crazy. Kaitlyn keeps eating them or pulling off the candies. Gumdrops are not fun when mashed in the carpet. Even our dog likes the cookies. :-/ Sheesh."

I did have such wonderful intentions when I planned to make real gingerbread cookie ornaments. Danelle and I decorated them beautifully! We were so excited to put them on the tree but I have a feeling they are not going to work out long. From the very first night (yesterday!) I have had more STICKY, ICKY, EWWWY, and YUCKY candy around than I can handle. Kaitlyn is taking the candy off the cookies and eating them, spitting them out occasionally, and sometimes accidentally mashing them in my floor.

Bless Kaitlyn's heart. It doesn't matter what I put up, I know this will be a hard year for her and the Christmas tree. I might get some shatterproof bulbs tied with string she can pull on and off as she pleases instead. The tree is going to look funny no matter what though. She WILL pull off the ornaments, and having a six foot tree empty the bottom three feet doesn't sound very pretty. I think buying ornaments that are more kid friendly and not edible or sticky will be a nice compromise.

The dog will benefit from a less enticing tree too. Daisy, Daisy, Daisy. She loves the cookies we put up too. She guards them with her life.

I look forward to Christmas tree night every year. We make it a big deal for our family. Back in the day, I remember driving to the Christmas tree farm (getting lost on the way) and helping our family cut down a tree. They bailed it for free, and we ate popcorn and cocoa at the cutest Christmas tree place in Ohio. Then when at home, we all took turns putting up ornaments (I am sure my Mom fixed later on, haha). These were such wonderful memories, I knew I wanted to start traditions like them for our family.

Every year, I start by decorating the house. For me, this is the longest most dreaded part. I like the scene to be set before we put up our tree. Then, we set up the tree, lights, and bows on the tree (ready to decorate). Shayne picks up a Papa Murphey's pizza and after dinner, we all gather around the tree to decorate. The girls get to put up their yearly ornaments (one for each year), I hang the yearly family ornaments, and Shayne likes putting on hooks and handing over the ornaments. He hangs a couple too, but passing them over seems to be more "his thing." Once all the ornaments are on, Shayne lifts Danelle up in the air to put on the star.

We love this next part; Shayne turns off all the lights in the house, and we prepare for the tree lighting. One by one Shayne turns on the Christmas lights, leaving the tree for last. Finally, he lights the tree and what a pretty sight it is with our shiny star on top. We all stand there a while and soak it in. It's really one of the most fun nights we have as a family. I hope one day my children will cherish these memories as much as I do my childhood and new memories.

Welcome Christmas! Don't go by too fast...

One for the Memory Books

All year, I thought I would put up my Christmas tree the day before Thanksgiving. I liked the idea of Black Friday shopping and coming home, wrapping, and having Christmas gifts under the tree. Life happened though, and I didn't get to do either this of those things year... and it's probably for the best. Shayne and I were impromptu house hosts for our Thanksgiving dinner this year. Here's the story.

All week of Thanksgiving, I was in a cleaning mood. Tuesday I cleaned the upper half of the house and Wednesday I cleaned the main floor. I even cleaned unusually well; like cleaning my ceiling fan, vacuuming under the couch, and wiping down cupboards. I think my subconscious was preparing for Thanksgiving possibly being at my house. I remember even joking with Shayne, "haha, it's like we are having Thanksgiving here!"

Thanksgiving Day: I arranged with Sarah Cameron, our host, to help her decorate the church. We planned to have our Thanksgiving at a church this year because we were expecting three families to be there (or about 40 people). That afternoon however, Sarah said that she heard that another family was in the church at the time. I remember feeling like I should tell her to have it at our house (since we were basically ready anyway) but not wanting to complicate things more, I suggested they move it to a Relief Society Room instead.

4:30 - Dinner time. Everyone was at the church waiting and hungry. Only one problem; the church was locked. Not knowing who to get a hold of, we started to toss around new ideas. One possibility was to have it at Grandpa Underwood's home. Grandpa gets anxious around large groups in his home though, especially at night, so maybe this wasn't the best idea. I suggested we move the party to my place - it's all ready and it would be easier with Kaitlyn.

Shayne and I hurried home to beat the masses, put away the dog, and get ready really fast. I threw back up the Thanksgiving decorations I took down to decorate the church with, made room for food, and set up tables. Shayne moved some couches around, and in no time at all we were ready for the feasting.

It was almost as if it was meant to be at our place, and the church incident never happened. We were all together having a wonderful time. Although the food was a little cold, it was tasty and hit the spot. I felt warm inside knowing that we could help host this Thanksgiving. Sarah did an excellent job organizing the food assignments and preparing everything for the big event.

Later that night, the girls and I drove over to my Mom's house to go to the Festival of Lights with them, Becca, and the boys. Already feeling extra accommodating, I emptied out my car and we all loaded in my car for a couple of trips around the Festival of Lights. Six kids and four adults piled in my car. The kids really loved seeing the lights. I can't wait to go again when it snows.

Once Kaitlyn was in bed, Shayne and I watched ELF while I decorated the house in Christmas - leaving only the tree to be done as a family. It was a crazy, wild, spontaneous, memorable, and perfect day.

In my family, it's tradition to say what your thankful for on Thanksgiving. I am thankful for many things this year. I am thankful for this home and that I have the means to accommodate parties and large groups, like this, easier. I am thankful for having everything that we need; food, clothes, warmth, water, and furniture. I am thankful for my husband's work, and for my upcoming daycare job that will help us make ends meet. I wish I could say I am more thankful for school... I am thankful for the outcome school will bring and the opportunity to further my education. I am even more thankful Shayne is almost done and I am ending my third year.

I am thankful for our family and friends who have been there for us even in the toughest of times. I am surrounded by some pretty great family - and have many people I consider best friends who would go through hell and back with me if I asked. I am thankful for my girls and for their sweet spirits. They make me laugh and warm my heart every day. Danelle is such a help to me with baby Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn helps me look at life in exciting ways. I would do anything for them.

I am thankful for my husband and for the love and support that he gives me - he is an amazing father and companion for me. Shayne comforts me and understands me completely. I can and do tell him everything; we have no secrets. I love the security I feel with him. He really is my best friend - I am lucky to have him forever.

Last but not least, I am thankful for the Gospel, my Heavenly Father, and our Savior Jesus Christ. I am thankful for prayer, scripture, inspiration, and church. I know I have been blessed in my life. There is so much for me to be thankful for - and much more I could mention but I think you get the idea. I am filled with so much love. Life is great.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Halloween Bucket List

This year, I decided to make up a Halloween bucket list. We have had a lot going on in our lives, and October was a very uniquely stressful month so it was nice to break up the days with some activities.

We started off the season with the traditional trip to the pumpkin patch called Jakers in Springville. Evan, Monyka, Mom, and my family all came. I think it was the most fun for the girls, but we all had a good time. The girls love the petting zoo and corn play pit. I enjoyed the break in the hayride. We all picked pumpkins (we even talked Mom into one!) and on the way home enjoyed a Happy Meal at McDonalds.

A week later was our Halloween party. I was having pregnancy issues at this point (read earlier blogs) and debated about even doing a party. It seemed like terrible timing and I worried I was overdoing it by getting ready. Shayne was a big help with the entire process. He did everything that I asked him, without question and we were actually ready in time for the party. Danelle and I even had time that morning to check off "Halloween Cookie Day" from our list so we could have a dessert for the party.

Our theme for this year's Halloween party was the "Halloween Queen Pageant." We had done it in the past, and it seemed like a fun enough activity that we should repeat it. With Monyka (the current Halloween Queen at the time) as my co-host, we had some wonderful fun watching Mom, Sarah C., Ashley, Evan, and Jason try out. I got such a laugh out of their Frankenstein impersonations for their talent. In the end, Sarah C. won 2nd attendant, Jason was 1st attendant, and Mom took them all by winning the Halloween Queen. She really stayed in character and took the competition seriously. I was happy to see her win! Everyone that tried out did amazing jobs. I wish I could have given them all an award in something.

My sister Sarah and Alison came to the Halloween party too and was now out for a fun visit! This might seem out of order, but my family did our Thanksgiving on October 23rd in a Park City Lodge Sarah reserved. It was the perfect setting for our Thanksgiving and a wonderful meal. I wish I would have remembered my memory card to take pictures. I stayed the night that night with Sarah, Alison, and Danelle. It wasn't planned so it was kind of a funny stay, but I really enjoyed the time we had together. It was a nice distraction from my pregnancy worries.

We checked off another bucket list item with Sarah; Corn Maze. On October 25, we all went out to Thanksgiving Points "Cornbelly's" corn maze. I was surprised how many free activities they had for the children! Kaitlyn and Danelle were loving it and all the attention they were getting. Kaitlyn opted out of the maze, so Mom took her to play while the girls and I went through the maze. It did get pretty "cornfusing" at times, but we found our way through and have a really funny picture to show for it.

Thursday, we met up with Mom and Dad Munn, Ashley, Patrick, Grandpa, and the girls for a fun pumpkin carving night and KFC - a family favorite. We had a great time carving pumpkins. The girls impressed me this year by cutting their pumpkins from a pattern! Shayne took some pretty great photo's and I heard there was AMAZING apple pie served. I wish I could have stayed all night but Kaitlyn was "into everything" and this was the night my pregnancy problems turned more serious and I knew I had to rest... the next day we miscarried. :(

Bummed out, Sunday the 30th came. I was starting to get around more and really wanted to knock out more of our Halloween bucket list and lighten the mood. I made a homemade pumpkin shaped pizza for my family. Even though it wasn't Papa Murphey's like I originally wanted, it was very good and definitely raised some spirits.

The rest is history. I have already made a Christmas bucket list and plan to start this week possibly by making gingerbread men to hang on our tree. I am glad that we were able to accomplish many (even if not all) of our bucket list for Halloween. Although this season was tougher than most, I feel like we seized the month and I look forward to our new holiday lists.

Hocus Pocus

If you read my previous blog, you understand that Halloween came at a very difficult, confusing, and emotional time this year. I wasn't expecting much from this Halloween. We had made plans with Evan and Monyka to have a dinner and having help trick or treating with the girls, but I have to admit I wondered that morning if they would happen. I had a very hard day the Monday of Halloween and my motivation and mood were affected. I kept saying to myself, "maybe this is too much too soon..." However, I can honestly say that I am glad we carried through with our plans though because we ended up having a wonderful and memorable Halloween night.

Evan and Monyka showed up and brought their cheerful moods with them. Evan took over in the kitchen and encouraged Monyka and I to take the kids trick or treating while he did the cooking. I hadn't thought about taking the kids out, but I thought it would be good for my condition at the time to get moving and I did want to see the girls getting candy. It was a warmer day, but we got cold soon and decided to go home for a quick break for dinner and warmer clothes.

Perfect timing! Evan had the table all set for us :). He made chili, little Halloween hot pocket style rolls with ham and cheese, and rolls. He even went all out and made homemade root beer. Everything was perfect. The food really hit the spot.

Shayne kept busy too; he decorated our yard earlier that day and had the computer set up to a speaker system in the garage with scary sounds. Only one problem: the music stopped every 10 minutes. The entire night Shayne went out every 10 minutes to start the music again and let out some fog from the garage. Everyone said we were one of the coolest houses in the neighborhood (next to the one that made the spook alley!).

This time when we went trick or treating, we decided to just take Danelle. Kaitlyn enjoyed trick or treating, but it was getting cold and we planned to be out a while. Monyka filled up Kaitlyn's bucket as we went. Danelle loved the attention she was getting for her cat costume. After a short time, it was dark and Danelle decided she had enough candy. I think we missed about eight houses.

When we got back, I had to laugh that Evan was out on the porch staying very still... he scared Danelle a little and said that he had been doing it all night. He was dressed as Joker and when the kids came up to take a candy from the cauldron he was holding he would make a loud noise at them. I found this so amusing that Danelle and I hid in some bushes to watch and video tape. I still laugh watching the footage.

Poor Shayne had to go to work :(. It was hard to see him go on a holiday, especially one he loves so much. Thankfully though, Evan and Monyka could stay a little longer. Once the girls were in bed, and Mom left from her Halloween visit, we decided to watch the classic CASPER. I think I was the only one fully awake when the movie was over, but it meant a lot to me that they stayed.

We had such a great night, we have made plans for next year. We love the fact that this community does "real" trick or treating. We loved seeing the neighborhood go crazy with decorations and a couple of them with spook alleys. You can already see the light bulbs above Shayne's head for next year; out do the neighbors with the main spook alley. I enjoy seeing him get so excited! It even inspired him to do a light display on the house for Christmas with borrowed lights his parents own.

Even though the day started out rough, the second half was amazing. I am so happy to have family to come cheer me up when and HOW I need it. This Halloween season I was consumed with so much stress and worry - I didn't feel the same "Halloween spirit." I am glad I found it again, before it was too late. :)

Lost but not Forgotten

I realize this is somewhat of a different blog. The subject matter seems to be considered "taboo." I think most people (indirectly affected) can just go on with their lives hunky dory, but this experience affected me deeply even though it feels like a dream now.

A little over a month ago, I thought I was having a "pregnancy scare." We weren't necessarily trying for a baby, but have never been against the idea of having a third either. When I was a couple days late, I went to the dollar store for the first cheap test I could find. The next day, I saw a very faint almost non existent positive on the test. My mouth dropped... it had taken us THREE YEARS to find out we were pregnant with Kaitlyn and this just happened out of no where. Two days later, I got a free pregnancy test at our family doctor's office and sure enough: PREGNANT, due June 18, 2012.

I processed this new idea; Kaitlyn would be just over 25 months, or two years apart. A little closer than I imagined our next one being, but do-able none the less. I thought of changing two sets of diapers, needing a double stroller, what if it's a boy, and how would Kaitlyn (who is so needy right now) handle a possibly rough pregnancy. One thing I didn't think of was miscarriage. I hadn't had a miscarriage before, and with a complicated pregnancy like Kaitlyn's I thought that any baby could survive after what she had been through.

I told Shayne later that day. I had just lost all my weight so I thought it would be appropriate to give him a stack of candy bars and my positive report from the doctor saying, "If I am going to gain weight - - - SO ARE YOU!" He caught on right away and gave me a hug. From that moment on, our lives over the next few weeks would be altered.

It was in my fifth week we started to have problems. Having similar problems with Kaitlyn, I honestly didn't think much of it. It caused the normal alarm, but I have read that spotting can be normal in the first trimester, one out of three women spot and half of them miscarry. I had tremendous hope that this little baby would survive. At 5w, 4d, we had our first ultrasound. The baby was nothing more than a speck, but it was there. Hope regained; especially when the spotting seemed to be clearing up.

I prayed for this baby; pleading that I would know how to take care of it. A blanket of peace swept over me. I felt very distinctly that I could resume normal life; this baby will be a part of our family if it's meant to be no matter what I do, and if not, resting will not save it. This was strange to me because when I prayed for Kaitlyn, I had a sense of PANIC - "REST NOW, DO AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE!!!" I believe it's because of those promptings that Kaitlyn is here with us though. Kaitlyn would have never survived me doing normal routines. With Kaitlyn, I bed rested six weeks of my first trimester.

I seemed to do well all during my sixth week. I even started to notice morning sickness; something everyone tells you is a "good sign." The spotting was going away, and I really thought that everything would be alright.

I had an ultrasound scheduled for Friday, October 28, I would be nearly seven weeks pregnant. Something bad happened that night though; the spotting became bleeding. I was glad I was going in to see Dr. Crouch that day. I needed answers. I remember being so thrown off by the bleeding, that I forgot to do my urine sample at the doctors office and had to drink water and give another sample. I went in with tears in my eyes. I was now afraid for this baby and nervous what this would mean for me.

The ultrasound looked relatively normal. The embryo had grown significantly and the fact that it was still there gave me hope but at seven weeks along, you'd expect to find a heartbeat. No heartbeat and bleeding. The doctor was kind, but let me know he thought I would miscarry. He would give me another nine days of waiting, but if there was still no heartbeat, he felt it best to terminate the pregnancy early.

Monyka was with me for the ride home. I was confused, and my brain was all consumed with what I would do if faced with that decision. What if they just couldn't see the heartbeat? What if we terminated a healthy pregnancy? How would that be to miscarry? Once at home, I held the picture of our embryo that day and could not contain my tears.

Later that night and early into the next morning the "process" began. I won't go into details but it was more painful, emotional, and harder on the body than I expected. I went to the emergency room wondering about blood loss to find out that as far as miscarriages are concerned; this was only moderately bad. This process lasted through the weekend and by Tuesday we were done.

I have to admit that part of me hoped the baby was still ok. I was in major denial about it. Saturday November 5, I had another follow up ultrasound confirming that my body had done what it was supposed to; no baby. I miscarried at 6w 6d pregnant.

Miscarriage is hard on the body physically and emotionally. The moment we found out we were pregnant our life plan shifted and we built up hopes and dreams for that little one. We altered our plans and loved the baby instantly. I went through test after test hoping that this pregnancy would make it. Now that we lost the pregnancy, I have moments where I feel somewhat empty and slow to get back to my normal routines. I have a new appreciation for my children and their safe deliveries. I feel more compassion for mothers who have miscarriages, especially multiple miscarriages and those who miscarry and don't have children.

People ask me if we are going to try again right away. This is a difficult question for me to answer. Part of me wants to have a baby right away, but most of me thinks Shayne and I should stick with the original plan for now. Our plan was to start thinking about having a baby next summer after Shayne graduates and has health insurance and job security. Six more months might mean great things for Kaitlyn's development when a baby comes as well; potty trained, sleeping in toddler bed, easier transition for her to sleep with Danelle, feeding herself well, and possibly even preschool. It will also give me time to get some school work behind me. We still feel that if Heavenly Father wants us to have a baby sooner than it will be, however we are not going to TRY until the summer next year. I hope we don't have the same experience again.