A word that Type 1 Diabetics use when the anniversary of the day they received their initial diagnosis. Shayne's diaversary was June 8th.
June 8th, 2016.
We had just come back from a trip to Lagoon. Shayne had been sick all week. Honestly, it didn't strike us as anything to be really worried about. Afterall, he'd had a really bad flu recently, and with a history of bleeding ulcers, we thought it was just more of the same acting up again. We couldn't have been more wrong. When I came home to him collapsed on the bathroom floor, crying, and sicker than I had ever seen him before, I knew something was really wrong.
We had just pulled in from our camping trip to Lagoon, and Shayne was at his parent's house picking up Daisy telling him about our stay. All weekend Shayne complained about feeling nauseous, excessively thirty, and was going to the restroom a lot. He was also losing his vision. These symptoms sounded familar to his Dad, who already had T2 diabetes. His Dad tested Shayne's blood and sure enough, it was high. Shayne knew that he would have to go to the doctor the next day; odds were that he had diabetes.
June 7th.
Shayne went to see Dr. Rose at the Spanish Fork Clinic. Dr. Rose ran some tests, and determined Shayne had type 2 diabetes. It seemed to fit the description, and after reading the symptoms, we were slapped with the realization that this was coming on for a while now. Even his sudden weight loss (which we thought was from quitting soda), was an early symptom. He was prescribed some Metformin, gave brief recommendations for his new diet and we went home. The thought of him having diabetes in any form seemed a bit much but we accepted it and hoped that with some minor adjustments, we'd be back to normal in no time.
"Let's eat!"
Later that night, my brother David (out for a visit from Texas) and I took Shayne out to dinner. Food makes everything better. That's why it's called "comfort food," right? Unless you're a diabetic. I remember Shayne stumbling out of the restaurant to have someone yell out to him, "You shouldn't be driving!!!" It bothered me A lot. We just wanted him to get better. What was meant to lift his spirits only left us feeling worse.
June 8th.
Shayne woke up after being sick again all night. I asked him if he thought he should see the doctor again that day, or at least call him and make sure that this was normal, but we both agreed that we needed to give the new medication time to work. His blood sugar was still high and he was still feeling terrible. I thought if I took the kids out to lunch with David that day, that we could let Shayne get his rest and hopefully he'd be feeling better when we came home.
When we came home, I found Shayne laying on the bathroom floor, crying, and he seemed hysterical. Nothing was making sense. The medication obviously wasn't working. I called my sister Sarah, the ER nurse at the time who told me that she thought that he had ketoacidosis, and if that was the case, he must actually be a Type 1 Diabetic. She urged me to take him the the ER right away. I left Ellie with the kids, and drove as quickly as I could up to the hospital. A few blood tests confirmed that he was officially a Type 1 Diabetic. Our hearts sank. Nothing could have prepared us for this. He could have died.
"....I would have taken him to the hospital yesterday."
Emotions were high. I remember assuming a lot of guilt and blame during this time, especially when these words were spoken to me. I remember feeling unwelcome even, to be in the ICU room with him and that I shouldn't have been at the hospital since I was the one that put him there. I actually remember throwing away a get well card I had bought for him because there just weren't words for how I was feeling. To think others were blaming me made it infinitely worse.
It took a lot for me to get over what was said and realize that the emotions were high for EVERYONE. No one truly blamed me and I needed to "forgive [myself] for not knowing what [I] didn't know before I learned it." ( - Maya Angelou.) Shayne needed me now more than ever.
For the first time in our marriage, life was fragile, too. I had to face the reality of what could of happened, how I would take care of our family if I would of had to, the new responsibility of taking care of a diseased husband, and our unsure future together. I found myself making backup plans for "just in case" and really thinking about how we would survive if had to do it on my own. EVERYTHING changed. I realized during these hard days who was really there for me.
Ever After
Shayne spent four or five days in the hospital. We spent hours in diabetic counseling and training on how to manage the diabetes in the best way possible. Our head was spinning as we took all the information in. It was like drinking from a hose. Some of the water got in, but most of it went splashing all over the place.
I'll never forget those first times of Shayne injecting himself with insulin, something the nursing made him do right away. It was not easy to watch. The hesitation. The build up to the initial poke. People still tell him that "they couldn't do that." Well, it's entirely different if you HAVE TO if you want to live. The words "do or die" have never been more true.
When someone in your immediate family has diabetes, you ALL have diabetes. Ok, maybe not like they have diabetes, but you all need to be on guard. Those first days home were the hardest of our lives. Financially, things were never worse, and I didn't even think that was possible.
Months later, we received Shayne's insulin pump after a GoFundMe campaign raised the $3800 needed to cover our portion of the pump and CGM machine. It was the most normal we had ever felt since it happened. We greatly appreciate all the donations for this cause.
Life hasn't been easy, but we're figuring it out. I still worry about what would happen if I had to take care of my family if something happened to them. I worry when I don't get a call or text from Shayne for too long. Diabetes is affected by EVERYTHING (hot, cold, sick, elevation - you name it!) so keeping it in check is sometimes a challenge. It seems that at least once a year since this incident, we have another diabetes related complication that we end up visiting the hospital over. Overall though, we ARE figuring it out together and are thankful for everything that we have. I know we can overcome any challenges that come our way.
"You never know how strong you are... until being strong is the only choice you have." - Unknown
When someone in your immediate family has diabetes, you ALL have diabetes. Ok, maybe not like they have diabetes, but you all need to be on guard. Those first days home were the hardest of our lives. Financially, things were never worse, and I didn't even think that was possible.
Months later, we received Shayne's insulin pump after a GoFundMe campaign raised the $3800 needed to cover our portion of the pump and CGM machine. It was the most normal we had ever felt since it happened. We greatly appreciate all the donations for this cause.
Life hasn't been easy, but we're figuring it out. I still worry about what would happen if I had to take care of my family if something happened to them. I worry when I don't get a call or text from Shayne for too long. Diabetes is affected by EVERYTHING (hot, cold, sick, elevation - you name it!) so keeping it in check is sometimes a challenge. It seems that at least once a year since this incident, we have another diabetes related complication that we end up visiting the hospital over. Overall though, we ARE figuring it out together and are thankful for everything that we have. I know we can overcome any challenges that come our way.
"You never know how strong you are... until being strong is the only choice you have." - Unknown
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