Are You Happy?

"Do you still miss him?  Are you happy?"  I've been replaying these words in my head a lot the last few days, and thinking about the young mother that asked the questions.  We were at her husband's viewing, just before his funeral.... what was sure to be the lowest point in their life.   When I think back on my life, something similar was mine.   I lost my dad when I was only eight years old, also to cancer and after a long fight to beat it.  Being there brought back many tender memories.  As my friend introduced me to her kids, she told them this piece of my history and asked,  "Do you still miss him? Are you happy?" 

I answered back,"Yes.  Very happy." But, I know I wasn't convincing.  The truth is, I was reliving so many memories with this young family at that moment.  Looking at their eight year old boy standing over his father, I wanted to cry.  That was me 29 years ago this month.  I wanted to pull their kids in close and tell them that I know how they feel and reassure them that they WILL be happy again.  They will miss their dad a lot, but they WILL be happy, too.

Here's what I've learned.  Losing someone young, you realize early on that life is unpredictable and precious.  While this can seem depressing or even hopeless at times, this is the very reason I have happiness.   Losing my Dad taught me to never take my family or friends for granted.  I seldom miss an opportunity to be with them or to find for an excuse to host a party just to get together again.  Losing my Dad taught me to not waste time trying to prove a point, and realize what really matters. Especially when it comes to family.  Michael J. Fox said it best, "Family is not an important thing.  It's everything."  It's at the heart of all that matters in the world.

I am also happy because my Dad taught me how to live by his example.  Although I know my Dad had hard days (REALLY HARD DAYS), I never saw him feel sorry for himself.  He was always cheerful, positive, hopeful, and had complete trust in his Heavenly Father.  He never EVER stopped having his faith.   My Dad taught me how to be strong and push through my trails, no matter what.  He never gave up.  He never stopped trying.  Even in his sickest days, my Dad applied for jobs to help provide for his family, even though he had every reason to stay home and very little skills to offer in his condition.  Through his example, I learned to persevere.

Most of all, I learned to enjoy my husband and family fully.   I want to have fun with them every chance I get, make meaningful memories, and tell them I love them ALL THE TIME. I strive to make sure that they KNOW how I feel about important issues and the gospel.   We apologize quickly, never go to bed angry, and strive to create an environment where our kids know we love them no matter what. We make sure to tell each other just how appreciated everyone is, and how important they are to our family.

I'm also happy knowing I'm never alone.  I feel my Dad with me, watching over, guiding me, inspiring me, and encouraging me to keep going.    He's been with me every step of the way, and I know he still wants what's best for me.  On my hardest days, I'm never far from his love and comfort. I really believe that those that love us don't go away; they walk beside us everyday.

I have heard it said that strength grows in the moments when you think you can't go on but you keep going anyway.   Grief will forever changes you, and sometimes even happy memories hurt.  It is possible to be happy and still ache from missing someone so much.  However, happiness does come.   After all, there are so many beautiful reasons to be happy and remember  - - - they would want you to be.

In dedication to Erik Heppler, a wonderful man who left a powerful legacy, and the entire Heppler family and their loved ones who are needing extra love right now.   "...There is help and happiness ahead - a lot of it."  Jeffery R. Holland.