...Kaitlyn...

I don't even know where to start this blog.  I am frustrated on many levels about my year with Kaitlyn, especially when up until a week ago I had no idea why Kaitlyn couldn't keep down food.  Now that we do, I am frustrated with the findings as well.

Here is the story.  I really can't pinpoint when Kaitlyn started throwing up and gagging on almost everything. It didn't happen that one moment she was fine, and the next she was having problems.  I know it started in 2011.  I know it was at least by the time Kaitlyn turned 18 months old because I mentioned it at her 18 month well child doctor visit.  I mentioned it at every single doctor visit after that - and there were several of them.  I even switched doctors during that short time to get a second opinion.  Kaitlyn COULD NOT keep food down, and I was not ok with it.

It got to the point I had very few things I could "feed" her, if you can call it that.  Soups were always good.  Yogurt was good, if she would eat it. Noodles, SOMETIMES were ok if I chopped them up into teeny tiny bits. Cheese - yes, most the time.  Baby foods, yep. BUT MOSTLY, she lived off of Carnation Instant Breakfast, Pediasure, Boost,  and V8 Fusion.  Everything else came up.  Meats were a definite NO.  Anything chunky, ha!  Even things like scrambled egg would not stay down.

Kaitlyn was gaining weight  but barely and solely because I power packed all of her foods with extra calories.  I made her drinks with half and half instead of milk. I added sour cream to her soups and dinners.  I was a determined momma to keeping her healthy weight the best way I knew how. 

During this time, I got a lot of well meaning feedback and opinions from friends and family.  What I should try, how to help my 'picky eater,' and other people were less understanding and even made it sound like I was to blame for letting her get away with it for so long.  Often times, I blamed myself for not being able to help my child.  I felt incompetent and helpless. 

Doctors offered little advice.  They thought it was "heightened gag reflux."  Then when it didn't go away with age, "acid reflux." It wasn't until her two year well child check that anyone took me seriously.  Her doctor said we could wait longer, or do an upper G.I. test - and that's what we did. Waiting longer was not an option when I had waited so long already. A month later on June 4th, Kaitlyn had her first upper G.I. test.

I was nervous about that test all night the day before.  Shayne and Dad had given her a blessing, and I felt anxious and ready  to start getting answers.  I KNEW we would find something, I just didn't expect what we found.  One scan into the exam, the radiologist said, "Oh!  We found the problem!"  I was shocked.  A COIN WAS STUCK IN HER THROAT. 

With all the gagging and throwing up over the past YEAR, I wouldn't have known if she did this the night before or nine months ago.  My doctor didn't know how to react either.  He assured me that he thought it had to of just happened.  There was "no way" that Kaitlyn had the coin in her throat for long.

Poor Kaitlyn.  I knew they were going to have to get it out that day.  She was already hungry, cranky, scared, and confused.  It was a hard - LOOOOONG - day waiting for Utah Valley Hospital to call us back and tell us when to bring in Kaitlyn for her surgery.  We played in the pool, took a nap, watched tv - anything to keep her mind off of her milk and food. 

Luckily the time came when we had to bring her in, and we were waiting at the hospital for her time to go back.  It was hard to keep Kaitlyn entertained, so I decided to walk her around the hallways until it was surgery time.  I had to.  I couldn't keep still.  My anxiety was high and I couldn't let her be any sadder than she needed to be.  I walked her around and around.  We took rides in a wagon.  After a short while, they gave her something to calm her down and it really calmed me down too.

 Playing

 Just Out of Surgery

 The Culprit

 A New Beginning

I met her new doctor, Dr. Sutton, around 4:00 that day.  He seemed very nice but didn't believe that the coin had been in as long as I was suspecting.  He also seemed surprised when I told him how much and how long she was throwing up, that even I was second guessing if I was right. When surgery was done though, I could tell he believed me because the first thing he said was, "We found a dime... and it's been in there an extremely long time."

I finally felt validated!  I KNEW IT!  I knew this didn't happen last night or a week ago and I knew there was a serious problem with Kaitlyn not keeping food down.   NOW FINALLY PEOPLE WOULD SEE THAT KAITLYN WAS THROWING UP BECAUSE SHE HAD TO; FOOD WAS NOT GOING DOWN and not because of an allergy, or picky eater, or acid reflux, or gag reflux, or behavioral issue. I wasn't making it up!

He let me know that her esophagus was narrowed from the dime at the top and that she had a pocket from the dime burrowing in, and in her stomach was a hiatal hernia. Another upper G.I. two days later showed an irregular esophagus that was almost twisted in appearance instead of smooth straight like a normal child. However, we did find out she did not have acid reflux so that was good.  Also - there is a good chance the doctors might not do anything about the narrowed part of her throat and watch her over time.  I don't know yet.

One thing I do know is that I sleep better at night knowing the dime is gone.   I am happy to say that Kaitlyn keeps down most of her food now too. We are feeding her soft foods and working our way up to harder foods.  Even her bowel movements have changed with the food going into her.  I am relieved and thankful that she is alright!  I can think of many ways that this coin could have came loose and hurt or killed her.  We are so lucky it was something that can be fixed and not anything worse.  I am peaceful now knowing that she she will be alright.  

It brings joy to my heart and tears to my eyes to see her eating with us as a family now.  I love watching her discover that she can keep food down.  She is not out of the woods because she does have behavioral reservations about food.  She has been scared and untrusting of food for a very long time, but it is improving day by day.  I couldn't ask for anything else... She is healthy and happy and has a new vibrant energy about her.  I love it - and her. <3

Daisy Munn May 13, 2006 - June 5, 2012

I remember first hearing about Daisy.  Mooney's Boxer Rescue called me and let me know they just got a female young Boxer in.  She was nine months old.  They told me she was a "mini" and wouldn't be as big as other full grown Boxer's.  That night, upon first glance of her picture - we knew Daisy would be a special part of our family.  We couldn't wait to pick her up and meet her for the first time.

It took Shayne and I hours to get to Richfeild, Utah.  We were unfamiliar with how to get there and got lost along the way but finally met our destination around 10:00 p.m. on February 23, 2007.  Daisy was so calm meeting us that we knew it really was meant to be.  She wasn't afraid of us and greeted us like we had already met.   I joked later that it was actually a little deceiving because Daisy was always very anxious meeting new friends and often greeted them with a nervous LOUD bark.

I learned within the first week of her being with us that she had a talent.  This dog could "roo."  Whenever I sang, Daisy would sing out "ROOoooooooooo!"  - as long as she could hold the note.  This is how she got her nickname, Daisy Roo Roo Munn.

Danelle and Daisy always had a close relationship.  They were playmates and best friends.  Daisy in a lot of ways was Danelle's first sibling.  Daisy came along just before Danelle's second birthday, and Kaitlyn didn't come until three years later.  Daisy loved Ellie and was very protective of her and every member of our family. Over time, Danelle played with Daisy in a way that kept Daisy young and vibrant.  They were wonderful for each other and Danelle was very proud of her.

One thing I loved and appreciated about Daisy was her ability to match her playfulness to the age of our children.  She played hard with Shayne, but was more gentle with our children and myself. She loved to play rope and with her squeaky toys as often as we were willing and often times by herself as well.

Daisy loved the outdoors and nice hot sunny places in the home.  I remember her laying in her "sunny spot" certain hours of the day, even if it was in the middle of the way.  Whenever Daisy went outside on her leash or taking a walk, it seemed she didn't want it to end.

Daisy also loved going on rides with Shayne and I and being a part of the family outings.  Often times she would get excited when I put on my shoes and head towards the door.  So often, she didn't know how sad I was to have to leave her behind.  Every time I left the house, I said goodbye to her and a reminder to watch the house and we loved her. 

I find myself missing her most at night.  Daisy always made me feel peace with Shayne's work schedule or when he couldn't be at home.  I always knew and trusted that if anything happened, Daisy would protect us.  She helped me sleep at night with peace of mind and was pretty good company too.  We used to relax on the couch together watching shows and snuggling often.  Then before bed and after letting her go potty, I tucked her in on the couch, gave her a pat, told her goodnight, and  said that we loved her.   I miss our morning hugs as well.  Every morning I knelt beside her on the couch and gave her a nice long hug and sometimes kiss on the head.

Daisy loved her Dad too.  Daisy sought his good favor and praise more than anyone in the family.  Daisy loved to snuggle him.  Shayne is the type to hold very still and stay in one place for a while, so if ever given the choice, she was right there next to her Dad.  They also took regular naps together on our bed upstairs.  Daisy was happy to greet him when he came home from work every morning after a long night.

Kaitlyn never knew life without Daisy and calls all dogs "Daisy's" now.  Although Kaitlyn was never at much of an 'enjoyable' age for Daisy, Daisy loved and watched over Kaitlyn.  She stayed near Kaitlyn hoping for a  bit of food to drop out of her mouth or help me clean up after her many incidents with throwing up food.  As gross as it sounds, I really appreciated this about Daisy and told her often, "this is why we hired you!"

A sad thing happened last weekend though. We took her in to be helped by a vet, but regardless of our united efforts to save her - we lost Daisy Tuesday June 5, 2012.  It was sudden and unexpected and every day we are asking ourselves why she left us so early and if we could have done more to help her.  We can't believe that she is gone and the news came devastatingly.

The other night, a couple young boys knocked on our door running away laughing.  Daisy would have normally barked at them with warning but our house echoed silently and I couldn't help but lose myself in tears and sadness of her being gone. Whenever I look outside at our patchy grass coming in and recovering from her urine yellowing it over the winter, I think at moments she will be out there at the end of her leash smiling back at me through the window.  We still put her "stinky blankie" on the couch where she used to lay from habit and memory.  Danelle even slept with her rope toy the first couple of nights after her death. Our home just has a different feeling without her in it.

Despite some other opinions, Daisy was a great dog.  She was perfect for our family and we loved her and treated her as such.  Life is not the same without her protection, comfort, smiles, and unconditional love for everyone.  Daisy gave our life an energy only she could bring.  She is very missed.

So to Daisy: "You're a good girl - praises, praises!!!  Be a good girl and we'll see you soon.  We love you!"  RIP our dear dog, and my sweet canine daughter.  Thank you for your years of devotion and love. I hope you are watching down from doggie heaven and keeping our family safe as you always did.  We will never forget you.

Baby's Shopping List: Part II

The point of this blog is to help new mothers in making their shopping list for baby.  I am outlining the LESS OBVIOUS things I believe would be helpful to the new mom.  This is why you won't find car seat, crib, burp cloths, or diapers on this blog.  If you don't know that you will need those things, then this blog will not help you much.

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Swaddle Me Wraps (or something like it):  I love these blankets.  Unlike regular blankets, these blankets are less likely to end up smothering your baby because they wrap tightly around the baby.  Babies, even young ones, like to kick their sweet feet and often kick off their blankets leaving them cold or WORSE going up near their face.  These blankets are great for taking away some of the worry of baby sleeping.  They come in cooler or warmer fabrics and different sizes as your baby grows.  I found them to be soothing for the babies also to be wrapped tightly, just like they were in momma's womb.

I found myself buying the Summer brand Swaddle Me wraps most often. 

Baby monitor with video: I didn't realize how WONDERFUL these things are until I had my second baby.  I bought a Summer brand monitor that had one camera (with the option of two), night vision, and an electric thermometer to tell me how hot or cool it was where the baby was sleeping.  I am still using it with my two year old!

Babies cry often during the night at times, and sometimes its exhausting to wake up and check on the baby.  Sometimes checking on the baby might just wake the baby up more and then you have no choice but to take them out of bed.  Other times, as a mom, you will sit there and wait it out a few minutes and see if they will put themselves back to sleep.  BUT WHAT  IF the baby lost their binki, or the blanket is wrapped over their head, or any number of things... it's nice to turn on your video baby monitor and check it out.   Night vision helped a lot for this. 

They are also great for nap times when you are busy around the house.  I used to sit on the back porch with my older daughter as she played outside and kept an eye on Kaitlyn sleeping alone in our room upstairs.  I wouldn't have felt as confident just listening to her sleep.

When they are older and sleeping through the night, it's also reassuring to have an eye on them.  For me and my two year old, it puts my mind to ease to know that she is STILL IN her bed because she could easily climb out.  It also helps me to know when she is talking in her sleep if she is really asleep or awake.  I LOVE my video baby monitor!!! 

TIP: GET A GOOD ONE.  Some baby video monitors will pick up static sounds or other baby monitor noises.  It is very annoying from the reviews I have read.  Do your research and you will do great! 

AngelCare Monitor:  This is where I worry I may seem a little paranoid, but I have a sleep apnea monitor for my babies.  When I had my first daughter, I lost sleep at night wondering and worrying that my baby was breathing.  Unfortunately, SIDS happens too often for my comfort - especially knowing people personally who have lost babies.  I found myself lightly sleeping and checking on my baby often, sometimes feeling her chest to make sure it was moving up and down.  This is why when my second baby was born I found peace and comfort with my AngelCare monitor.

The AngelCare monitor is wonderful.  Mine made a "ticky" sound every time my baby took a breath.  I know it sounds crazy but I found these ticky sounds to be comforting and slept better KNOWING that my baby was doing well.  If your baby happens to stop breathing, an alarm will go off after 20 seconds.  If the baby still doesn't breathe after 30 seconds, a bigger alarm goes off.  I used this religiously until my baby was at least six months old.  During that time I DID have the alarm go off a few times.  Some might call them false alarms, but who is to say that it didn't help her wake up a little when the alarms went off and startle her into breathing?  The sleep and peace I had was almost too good for a new mom.  I HIGHLY recommend this to any new mother.

Womb Sounds Bear or Heartbeat on CD:  I have VERY FUSSY colicky babies the first five months of their lives.  Some people call it the PURPLE cry and it goes on hours into the night sometimes and NOTHING seems to soothe them... except this.  I LOVE the idea of womb sounds.  When they are wrapped up tightly and the womb sounds are playing, it helps take them "home" I think.  They seem to quiet down and listen to the soft gentle sounds they are most familiar with.  This was a real lifesaver at times.

A Good Diaper Bag: I know this is considered an "obvious" thing but make sure that you have a good diaper bag, and I suggest having it "packed" before the baby arrives.  Pack it with diapers, wipes, burp cloths, EXTRA CLOTHES (this is a must), baggies for the dirty clothes, pacifiers, or anything else you can think of for baby's first days.  I recall being a new mom and packing my first diaper bag AFTER my newborn baby had come home.  I didn't take into account how much having a baby would slow me down in an of itself so when I had to stop and pack her diaper bag, it made us an hour late to get her PKU levels checked at the hospital the next day.  Having it ready with my second baby made life so much easier!

A Set of Cloth Diapers and know how to use them:  I am not suggesting you use cloth diapers, but have them on hand.   You might be well stocked for your baby now, but there may be a day when your baby is running low and you don't realize you are on your last diaper until the worst possible time.  Cloth diapers to the rescue!  Even if you only have one pack of pins, cloth diapers, and vinyl diaper covers, it will be better than doing without if you need to buy some more and can't at the moment.  They are more unpleasant to use, but better than keeping your baby in a yucky diaper for too long.

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Those are just a few I can think of at this time.  Congratulations if you are a new mom or mom to be!  This is an exciting time of your life and with the proper preparation you can smoothly make the transition and enjoy your baby to the fullest.  Feel free to ask me any questions you might be having and I will be happy to answer them!