Bringing Home Baby

You’ve just had your third baby.   Everything seems so wonderful when you’re in the hospital, and then  on the way home you feel the tears and emotions starting to set in.  For the first time in months, all the ‘build up’ from expecting your baby is over.  For me, it feels like leading up to Christmas; you have your wonderful present, but can’t help feeling sad it’s over. 

I just had our third baby two weeks and five days ago.  Coming home to my two older girls and now having the added responsibility of my wonderful newborn son seemed really OvErWhElMiNg!  Not to mention but after having a baby, experiencing blood loss, hormones stabilizing, recovery, and lack of sleep, you may even have moments where you don’t know how you are expected to manage your new life.  Tears come and go, and you might feel yourself losing control.  Here are some things I have learned over the past two weeks to help see me through this time of adjustment and roller coaster of emotions.

First of all, timing is everything.  Looking back, I wish we had our baby in the later spring or early summer because it’s still too cold to enjoy the outdoors, rainy, snowy, and cloudy much of the time.  However, getting pregnant on a schedule is sometimes easier said than done and I have to grateful Liam came in March and not January (I contend with January blues every year, let’s not add baby blues on top of that).   Here’s how I am coping;

• Know that the first 10 days of recovery can be hard, with the first 3-5 being the WORST. After 10 days of normal baby blues, you should start feeling dramatically better.  I have heard of baby blues described as up and down, but if you feel yourself going down and not going back up, you may be developing postpartum depression and should consider contacting your doctor for help.
•  One thing that would have helped me would have been planning the accommodations for my older children better during the hospital stay.  My attitude before the birth was that this was between my husband and our mothers.  Little did I know that the lack of planning would interfere with my time with my husband at the hospital and it seemed that our kids were struggling with not having proper planning.  If I had to do it over again, I would have asked each parent to take a day to help the kids the entire day, with Shayne only staying with them at night.
• Since baby blues lasts 10 days to two weeks, I think every new dad should try to get the first two weeks off of work to help their wife through the hardest part of the adjustment period.  Shayne had a week off of work, but ended up taking 10 days because I was simply not ready for him to go back to work so soon.
• Keep it simple!  You aren't going to get back into your usual routines the first day being home.  For this, I suggest taking meals and help when they are offered to you.  Remember that paper plates are your friend, and have simple breakfast and lunch ideas ready.  We bought some small boxes of cereals that our older kids loved, Hot Pockets and small bags of potato chips for lunch.  I was lucky enough to think ahead and have some freezer meals prepared beforehand. I only wish I made meals that my girls would eat more willingly.
• My doctor suggested walking in the sun to offset some of the hormones.  I like the idea of natural remedy’s to help with depression; fish oil, vitamin D/calcium supplements, exercise, laughing, Wild Orange oil or Balance from DoTerra, and talking to friends and family when I need them.   Every afternoon I watch a funny movie to give me a laugh and break up the day. I have always been sensitive to medications so a medicine free alternative is my way to go.
• Nursing is wonderful and demanding.  My son, Liam, nurses every two hours on demand.  My sister in law suggested I start watching a show to help me get through these late night nursing times.  I have been watching The Wonder Years on Netflix to help me through.  One episode is approximately 24 minutes long and about the exact time I need to finish feeding my baby.
• One thing we do to bring the family closer and wind down at the end of the night (and I really look forward to it too) is to have a family movie time.  Around 7:00 we are all ready for bed and we sit down together around the couch for a family friendly movie.  Each of us gets to take our pick of the movie of the night, and we eat popcorn and snacks while enjoying our new baby and time together.  I don’t know how long we will have this around.
•   I was lucky to have a gift card from my sister that I saved for something special from Christmas.  I am glad that I hung onto it because online shopping helped me a lot through those first days.  I look forward to the day it comes in the mail too so it’s like a bonus.  Getting anything in the mail those first few weeks are wonderful.  I looked forward to the occasional card or package from friends and family.
• While I am not doing everything that I used to, I am doing a lot.  I am trying to tell myself to be forgiving of the things that I am not doing or perhaps not doing right and focus on the things that I AM doing right.  Keeping the right attitude is important. 

• Make time for yourself; this is the hardest one and the one I still struggle with.  You need time for yourself, even if it is a small thing every day.  For me, it can be as simple as watching a movie while the kids play, going on a walk (even to the mailbox), having a short date out with someone, taking a longer than usual shower, letting Shayne watch the kids so I can lay down, or writing a blog (like this). Doing things for yourself will help you be a happier person.  Don’t let yourself feel guilty about it.

This seems a little like a no brainer and I get this advice a lot too but enjoy your baby while they are newborns because it only lasts for such a short while.  Take pictures, snuggle longer, and slow down.  I was joking with my cousin about losing sleep and planning ahead every night to make sure I get enough rest saying, “no more late night movies!”  To which my insightful cousin who has helped me so much during the past two weeks with her positive attitude said, “There’s plenty of time for that later!”  So true!!!  This simple sentence helps me keep everything into perspective.  There’s plenty of time for that later (whatever it may be)!  The time to enjoy your newborn is now.

Of course we are still having our good days and harder days, but all in all I am happy with the progress we are making towards being a functional and happy family of five.  Every day keeps getting better and I know before long we will be able to function without thinking about it so much.  I heard a quote once that something to the effect of, “these are the best days of our life and we don’t even know it yet,” and I believe it.  So while my life may be far from perfect, I love my life and the people in it.

I hope this blog helps someone get through those first days better than I did at first with my third child.  I am so lucky to be feeling better now with only a few set backs from time to time.  I can’t thank my friends and family enough for being there for me whenever I need them.  I am eternally thankful for Shayne who helps me daily and let me talk and cry whenever I needed him. I am thankful to my mom who came every night for the first week and a half just to pop in and see if anything needed to be done.  I am thankful for my cousin, Kristl, who sends me text messages every day encouraging me and keeping me focused and upbeat.  For my special friends and family who were aware of my hard time and still check in to see how we are doing.  I have felt so loved and I know that the reason I am doing so well today is thanks to the love all around me.