Where is my BRAIN!?

Where is my brain!? A question I am asking myself far too much lately. Recently,  Shayne was laid off along with 18 other employees.  I can't say this surprised us much though since they laid off 30 people only six months before. Truthfully, it was a dead end job that we are not sad to see gone,  but it paid the bills (and nothing more). We were just grateful  Shayne had work. It's been almost three weeks since this happened. Every day gets a little harder than the day before. 

Since this happened I stepped up to help my family through this difficult time. Shayne usually does the heavy lifting when it comes to providing for the family but when I took on full time babysitting hours, I felt the weight shift square on my shoulders.  I feel so blessed to have these friends to babysit for and for giving me the extra hours necessary to help fill some gaps. The boys I watch really are like family when we are together. I couldn't ask for a better arrangement.  

However, I take care of the family finances as well so I am on overload - especially with so little to work with. Bills are quickly piling up and while we have managed to stay afloat this long, we're sinking fast. The stress is often times too much to bear. My head often pounds thinking about everything there is to remember and what's coming next. Nothing seems clear or easy right now and I find myself distracted and spacey lately.  Even moody.  The only thing getting me through the day sometimes is my Diet Dr. Pepper, and I won't lie - - -  chocolate or ice cream.  

Friday I was overwhelmed with worry. It wasn't a bad day,  but my brain felt full and there were not enough hours in the day for what I needed to get done.  Ellie had her Singers Company show that night too. Just the week before she missed her performance because my brain went missing and I wasn't going to ruin this for her again. Thinking I had her costume all together,  it would have been easy but the bow went missing and we turned the house upside down looking for it. No bow. Realizing she was going to be late, we left without it. 

Driving there I thought I had reached my breaking point.  I was ready to toss in the towel, put in my 30 days notice to the landlord, and give up. I was on the verge of tears and feeling helpless and hopeless as I took my bowless kid to her show. Once at the mall, I ran around to spend money I didn't have on a bow. I found one AND glitter and raced down to give Ellie the makeshift bow. I had done it. I did something right. The show was going on,  just like life goes on. Ellie did an amazing job. In no time at all, I forgot my worldly problems and nothing else mattered except my family and this moment.  

Watching my daughter perform that night gave me the intense sense of pride and joy. Yes, for her and her amazing developing talent but also in myself for doing what it takes to get things done - my perseverance to get where I want to be someday. I am not a quitter. Money doesn't buy happiness and I have everything I need as long as I have my family. As mentioned in Ellie's show during a song called Life's a Happy Song; "You've got everything that you need - - right in front of you!  Nothing's stopping you, nothin that you can't do that the world can throw at you!"

We'll get through this. One day at a time working together. It may be stormy now, but it doesn't rain forever,  right?