My Heart Story... Part One.

There I was. Enjoying the high school graduation of my brother in law Patrick. Everything seemed normal one minute, then as I walked down the steps to take his picture, I felt my heart pumping wildly and throbbing in my neck. My heart beat was pounding one on top of the other. A familiar problem; one I had learned to live with since I was about 16 years old.

I sat down wondering if I could "stop the problem" before it continued to go on. However, if it was like other times, I knew that once it was in "fast mode" it could not be stopped. My only hope would be to sleep that night and pray it would go away.

As a teenager, my problem would usually be triggered during a stressful day at work or during a rehearsal for a play. It would last maybe a night, but usually went away by the next morning. I passed this off as some form of stress or anxiety and brushed it off as "nothing."

As I got older, it came pretty regularly off and on, but with no major changes - until I got pregnant. I can recall it being easier to be "set off." I would walk up the stairs, even slowly, and my heart got stuck in the fast paced mode. I was very fearful to what this was doing to my little baby inside my tummy. I worried that she would be affected by it, and then I realized I might have a problem.

I mentioned it to my Certified Nurse Midwife at a visit. My midwife simply passed it off as "something that happens with pregnancy," and it was "perfectly normal." I tried not to worry.

Pregnancy aggravated the problem, and it did not improve once Danelle was out. In fact, it had only gotten worse. Now a problem that had once only lasted until I slept, was starting to continue for days NONSTOP, and it was happening almost every month for two to three days average. Only had a new fear because it was lasting extra long, I worried that my heart would not be able to handle it , and end my life. I could not bear the thought of having an accident and possibly dying right there in front of my baby and not being a part of her life.

But this day, after the graduation, I couldn't shake it. It kept going on and on. I desperately tried to relax, sleep, and just take it easy in hopes it would calm down my heart. At night I would take sleeping pills hoping they would do the trick. Even with sleeping pills, I felt like I was running a marathon and I couldn't relax enough to sleep. I got two hours sleep average, only to wake up continuing the race.

Finally (Day 3), I called my Mom's nurse friend, Susan. I was desperate, and worried. I called her hoping she might be able to give me some answers. Maybe prescribe me something to make it better (maybe it was still anxiety or stress and a simple pill would help). She told me of a woman who came into their office with a problem that sounded the same, she was scared, and very upset. They sent her to the hospital for medication.

One more night I thought. Maybe all I needed was one more night. Maybe it would go away if I waited one more night. I remembering crying myself to sleep honestly wondering if I would wake up, and if I should have gone to the ER that night. I told myself that I HAD to go in the morning if the problem was happening. I had to SHOW a doctor what was going on while it was happening to be taken seriously.

The next morning there were no changes. I woke up after only a couple hours sleep, and knew I had to go into work before I went to the doctor. My appointment was at 3:00. I was off work at 1:00. A friend was babysitting Danelle, and I was curious to see what my blood pressure and pulse rate looked like so I could tell the doctors. I remember driving to Rite Aid, Smiths, and Walmart, all three blood pressure machines said "ERROR." I began to wonder if I was having a heart attack or something serious.

3:00, I sat in the doctors chair. The Nurse had already taken my pulse. "120," she said, but that she couldn't know because it was going too fast. Dr. Chipman came in, and he took my pulse."it's much faster than that," he said. He asked basic questions like how long I had this going on and how often. Finally he said, "Laura, I think you are having an arrhythmia problem, and you need to go to the hospital right now. Go straight over. I will meet you there."

Scared and crying profusely, I got in my car (which later Dr. Chipman said he would have rather had me ride in an ambulance) and drove across to the Mountain View Hospital. I was alone. I had never felt so alone. I didn't know who to call. I didn't know if I should call anyone. It might be nothing. They gave me an EKG, and I waited for a doctor to tell me what was wrong. Finally Shayne came to the hospital just in time for me to get the phone call from Dr. Chipman. "Laura, you have a problem called Supra Ventricular Tachycardia and you need to go to the ER of the hospital and they will give you medicine. I will see you soon."

All I heard was "Tachycardia" and assumed this meant cardic attack and I was worried sick that something serious was about to happen to me. As they wheeled me downstairs into my own private trauma room (not in a curtain area like I had been in years past), I could tell that this was an issue the hospital worker were taking very seriously. They wasted no time getting me undressed, and into a gown, and an IV in my arm. The monitor read 165 while resting.

My doctor came and along with the ER doctors and nursed, the ER door was closed, and they told me they were going to try a medicine first called ADENISINE. It must have been serious enough that they felt that had to have the room closed off, and I would be surrounded by people to help if something when wrong. The ER doctor told me that the medicine would feel unpleasant going in. Some described it as though someone were to sit right on their chest. However, if I had to describe it my heart slowed - possibly even stopped for about 6 seconds. My body felt weak, and felt difficutly breathing. My whole body felt dead and lifeless. It was a horrible feeling. It felt as though my body were completely still for 6 seconds, then my heart picked up it's usual pace. The idea was to stop the rythem in hopes it would start at a normal pace. I was in tears to find out they wanted to inject the medicine again. Again, 6 seconds, only this time I felt as though I could bear no more Adenisine.

I was laying flat, wondering what they were going to do next. I was emotional, and worried that i might need my heart electrically shocked to be put back into a normal pace. A doctor said to try a beta blocker, which they did through an IV. No improvement. After some time, they came in to give me a second dose. No improvement.

I remember telling the nurse I was scared to death for them to shock my heart to startle it to go into a normal rhythm. The nurse told me not to be afraid, I wouldn't feel it. I would be sedated, and it would help. Just hearing her tell me this, made me want to get off the table and run back home to my baby and pretend this wasn't happening.

Shayne and his mother were around me when all of the sudden it felt like my heart had stopped - my heart was still for a moment which was unsettling when I had it beating so fast. I immediately began to worry, and asked, "what happened? Am I ok???" A brief moment later the heart monitor now read, 95 bpm. I was out of the woods at this point - the hard part was over... or so I thought...... (to be continued.)

More Birthdays!

Today we had the fun opportunity to celebrate Shayne's birthday (and Ellie's belated birthday party). It was such a fun night. We had a Spongebob Squarepants theme, which seems appropriate since Shayne and Ellie love watching the popular TV show together. We had a good turn out of family, and enjoyed a meal of hotdogs, potato salad, chips, macaroni salad, and baked beans.

Thank you to everyone who came, and thank you to all the birthday wishes we recieved. It was special day for two very special people I love very much. They are my whole world, and I'm glad we got to celebrate their birthdays.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHAYNE!!!!

The Birthday Girl

I have noticed that when Danelle has a birthday, it seems to go on all week. This year was no different. Starting Sunday when she got sang to in Primary, and dotted throughout the week with Preschool, Ballet class, and everything we did on her actual birthday Wednesday. Even today (Friday) a friend brought over a cake and some cupcakes to celebrate. For Ellie, it comes as one of the best weeks of the year.

This year for her birthday we went to her favorite outdoors activity to the Thanksgiving Point Farm. Ellie has always had a "closeness" with animals, and loves to pet, feed, and talk with the animals. As part of the ticket, you get to ride one of the horses and Ellie is truly in her element at that moment. You can see the happiness shining from her as she circles around on the horses. Ellie loves the farm, and it has become a fun tradition to take her on her birthday each year.

Following the farm, we went to the Build a Bear Workshop in the University Mall. She had received a gift card and it was fun to see Ellie making her new friend. They were out of unicorns, so she went with the next best thing; a zebra. Picking a heart, making a wish (for a pogo stick), and rubbing it on her nose for good luck were taken with much seriousness. Finally, putting on a Little Mermaid outfit (complete with wig) we were on our way. "Stripes" loves his new Mommy.

Later in the evening, Danelle opened her Hungry Hungry Hippo's game and while I was at work, Shayne and she played the game well into the night, which for her is 10:00 pm. Ellie looks forward to using her new fishing pole and tackle box, and hopes to earn some money to put in her horse purse. She also got a color wonder coloring book that we both love. Of course, she has her party (shared with her Daddy) scheduled for May 17th, so we know that we have more to look forward to on the birthday front.

It was a fun day! We got many birthday wishes, and want to thank everyone for making her special day so wonderful! We love you. We're looking forward to May 17 when we can celebrate her birthday with a party and some friends and family.

Ellie's Birthday Week

It's hard to believe sometimes how fast time has been moving since I have become a mother. It seems like only short time ago that four years ago on this day (the week of her birthday), I would be expecting Danelle to be born any moment and very anxious for the arrival of our daughter. Around this time of year, I do a lot of reflecting back on my memories of when Ellie was born, and I have decided today to put my memories in a blog. It will be hard to make this short, so bear with me.


FINDING OUT WE WERE EXPECTING

Shayne and I had been married a year when we decided it was time to start a family. Sadly, around this time Shayne's Grandmother, Elthora Underwood, had passed away from cancer. Feeling that we all needed raised spirits, we decided to go ahead with our plan to have a baby even though it seemed like a hard thing to focus on. I had been reading pregnancy books for about three months before making the decision and I felt ready for what a pregnancy would bring to my life. I was very excited. I even recall having an outfit already picked for her, and I loved looking at the sweet little outfit and knowing our baby would someday wear the clothes.

August 2004, we took our first vacation being married to California with my family. I remember carefully packing a pregnancy test because I would find out over the time of our trip to California. We had a great time in Disneyland, Knotts Berry Farm, Sea World, San Diego Zoo, and the time spent with the family camping. Finally, after about a week of our trip, I was about 4 days late. I told myself I would wait until Saturday, August 14th to take a test. That morning, I woke up extremely early, secretly took my pregnancy test from my suitcase, unzipped the tent, and walked over to the public restrooms.

I was very nervous to look at the test, but not surprised when I saw a plus sign as my results. Somehow, I knew we would get pregnant on the first try. Knowing I was pregnant, I took my test back to the tent, and started thinking of how I would tell Shayne.

That day, we knew we were going to Disneyland. Finally, at one point, I went to the Disneyland Gift Shop, and purchased a post card. On it I wrote, "Disneyland is the happiest place on earth, now it's the happiest times two; because I just found out, I'm having a baby with you!" I stuck the postcard in my pocket, and waited for a good time to give it to him. Finally, atop the Ferris wheel in Disneyland California, I gave him the post card. We hugged, and were so happy. The news spread fast. Everyone pretty much knew we were expecting before the end of our trip to California.

PREGNANCY

I loved being pregnant. Of course, I got sick, and at times became very uncomfortable. For the most part though, I enjoyed the process and knowing I had a baby inside me; a girl. My first thought was "it's a girl." I always felt that she was a girl, even though the Certified Nurse Midwife thought it was a boy for a very long time due to the slow heartbeat.

Finding out I was having a girl was not an easy process. I had an appointment scheduled for an early date in December 2004. I remember the receptionist saying, "Utah Valley Medical Center at two." What she had actually said was "TEN." I missed my appointment. Discouraged, I made an appointment at the Spanish Fork Clinic. I had a to know - that day. I got in moments later luckily, only Ellie wasn't cooperating. We went home still wondering - girl or boy?

December 23, 2004 I had another ultrasound appointment. I was determined to find out her gender this time. Still, no such luck. Not wanting to leave unknowing, I asked the doctor if I could drink a root beer, and walk around to see if she would finally work with us. Luckily, it worked and we found out she was a girl. Our Danelle Elizabeth. (DAN- after my late Father, Daniel Burrows, and ELLE after Shayne's Grandmother who had recently passed. The Elizabeth was chosen because it flowed with the name. Later, I realized I had unknowingly also named her after my best friends at the time....)

We told our family the gender by gathering them all together that night, and over some cocoa and popcorn, we had them first take guesses if it was a girl or boy. Half said girl, half said boy. Finally we played a game. I had pink wrapped, and blue wrapped bubble gum. Mixed together, hundreds of bubble gum. The pink gum higher in number, and they were to count the gum to find out girl or boy. In about 5 minutes, they found out it was a girl and it was a happy day!

NEARING THE DUE DATE

By about eight months, I was ready to meet my baby. With the help of my Mom and Shayne, we had put a Winnie the Pooh border around the baby room, and painted. Shayne and I picked out a cheap nursery set, and we had been given a rocking chair for Christmas that year. We had clothes and all the essentials. All that was missing was Danelle.

37 Weeks had come, and I was scheduled for a checkup. At this visit, my blood pressure seemed higher than my other visits, and the CNM wanted to have me go to Orem Community Hospital to perform a stress test on the baby. At which time, the nurses also "checked " me. I was one centimeter dilated, and 50% effaced. This made me very excited. I assumed Danelle would be born any day. She was a healthy weight and size, and I guess my heart became set I would see my baby sooner than my due date. The CNM's put me on modified bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy, hoping to keep my blood pressure in check (not realizing I had a heart problem, which I will have to tell you all about in future blog).

The waiting was almost more than I could take. During my 39th week, I started to wonder if I was in labor at different times, and went to the hospital to be checked, hoping they would keep me. At my 40 week check up, I was completely swollen, in pain, large with baby, and impatient to have her born. I remember crying, and hoping they would send me to the hospital for an induction - no such luck.

That week, I had many ultrasounds. They monitored Ellie very closely. My mom usually went with me to these check ups, and I enjoyed making a day of it by going to lunch and spending time with her. The morning of my last stress test, I decided to take my mother in law and also pregnant sister in law with me (I know my mom was sad she wasn't there for this test). They performed the test, and decided that I needed to go to Orem Community Hospital to be induced for labor.

IT'S TIME!!!! OR SO I THOUGHT....

I remember my excitement to find out that I was finally on my way to being induced. I also remember quick feeling of nervousness and unknowing what to expect from the process. I quickly called Shayne to tell him that I was going to the hospital. I called my mom, who rushed right over to spend much of the day with me. Shayne finished his day at work, and met me around dinner time.

Still at a one in dilation, they gave me Cervidil to help get things moving. I was expected to only have two doses, both six hours apart. However, after 12 hours with the Cervidil, not much appeared to be happening, and they gave me a third dose. By 6:00 am, April 29th (nearly 41 Weeks along), I still seemed to be "stuck." They finally gave me the drug I had been waiting for, Pitocin. I wasn't too sad that I hadn't had the baby overnight though because I got to shower and feel better prepared after a night's sleep. They assured me, "one way or another, you will have this baby within 12 hours."

Shayne called everyone early that morning, excited to tell them today was the day. He also told them I was "progressing quickly" because I had started feeling pain. I believe the pain I was feeling was more due to being in a uncomfortable hospital bed for 24 hours already. Needless to say, a flood of people came to visit that morning, wanting to be there the moment Ellie would make an appearance.

The hospital nurses kept highering the doses of Pitocin. They checked me almost hourly. Nothing. I was going nowhere. I wasn't even effacing. We started to wonder if Ellie was stuck. They assumed she was a big baby - even 9 pounds. I began to worry. By the afternoon, my crowd had left and it was just me, Shayne, and my Mom at the hospital waiting for what would happen. Not knowing how Ellie would be born.

By about 1:00 that afternoon, even the nurses started to worry. I had been on Pitocin 7 hours, and still no progress. My CNM (Certified Nurse Midwife) was starting to think I needed a C-section. She told me they were going to get everything ready, and wheel me in at 3:00 pm where another doctor would deliver Ellie. I was given an epidural (FOUR TIMES!!!! NOT FUN) and was told to get my rest before they deliver her.

I remember at this point not caring HOW she was to be born. I just wanted her to be safe and healthy. I also remember the overwhelming feeling of saying goodbye and hello at the same time. Saying goodbye to my pregnancy, and having her all to myself, the fun times glowing and the excitement of waiting for her. I was saying hello to her coming into the world, meeting me, my new life, and the changes that I was about to expect. It was quite overwhelming. I remember crying for a moment, soaking it all in.

FINALLY - SOME PROGRESS!

Time was coming close for my scheduled C-section. I was surprisingly calm, and comfortable with this decision. Ten minutes until 3:00, my nurse came into the room and said, "Ok, they are all ready, I just want to check you one last time, and then we'll get you in." Upon checking me she said, "Wait, what is this? Oh my goodness, you are at a three!!!"

I couldn't believe it! I was finally in labor!!! I guess being so calm and being pain free was agreeing with me. The midwife came into also check me, moments later. "No, no, I actually think she is a four." NOW I WAS PROGRESSING QUICKLY!

My CNM told me about a hypo birthing method she would like me to try to see if it will help me dilate. She told me to imagine opening every cupboard in my house. Don't close them, open them all up. Anything I could think of. With my Mom's help, we opened everything in the house. I was checked again, only a half hour later than my last check. "You're a 6," the nurse said. They broke my water at this point.

We kept talking, and a half hour later, my nurse again came; "eight centimeters!" Realizing this was getting close, my Mom helped me open everything in my house in my mind again. Halfway through (about 10 minutes into the process), I feel the strongest urge to PUSH!!!! It was very distinct, and very real. I wondered if I would feel that with the epidural, but apparently you can.

Stopping right where we were, we called in the nurse. I was a ten. Shayne began his chain of phone calls when I was eight centimeters, and so by this point, a large group of family had formed outside my door. My Mom and Shayne would be present at the birth (when there is a next time, I will have a larger group of females in the room).

NOW IT'S TIME!

My CNM was making her way to the hospital, and my room was now surrounded by nurses and and everything you need to have a baby. I had been practicing pushing, and felt ready to be a Mom. Finally when my CNM came, we started the process. Pushing for 10 seconds, taking a breath, pushing again. I was focused, and tuning out everything around me. I couldn't tell you what Shayne and my Mom were doing at this moment other than hearing them occasionally saying, "good job! Almost!"

Finally, I heard my CNM say that the head was out, and I had to stop pushing a moment. Moments later with one small push, Ellie came rushing into the world. She was placed on my tummy, and I took my first look at this little person who was my daughter. I would say it was love at first sight, but I loved her long before she came onto my tummy that day. She was perfect. She was everything. I love her so much.

She was 7lbs, 15 oz. 20 inches long. Born at 5:32 p.m.

After seeing her cleaned up, and after a room full of family had gone back to their homes, I realized how very much she looked just like my baby picture when I was born. Of course, this made me a very proud Momma. She was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen (of course, wouldn't any mom say this?). Shayne was a sweet loving father from the start. They snuggled on the couch and the chair most of the day the first few days, bonding and sharing special moments.

It really hit me that I was a mother when I smelled that Danelle had a bowel movement, and I called the nurse in expecting her to change my baby. The nurse only said, "diapers and wipes are under her bassinet," and left me to my job. I remember being embarrassed for expecting the nurse to change her for me, and clumsy tried to put on her diaper. I never asked the nurse to change her again.

FOUR YEARS LATER

It's hard to believe that on Wednesday, my little Danelle Elizabeth will be four years old. She is such a blessing in my life. Her father and I love her so very much. She is the center of our universe. We love being together, and I feel so blessed to of had so much time to bond with her before we have another child (or children) in the upcoming years. We are best friends. Constant companions. I would do anything for her. She is always on my mind. It's because of her I can't wait to have another child one day.

Motherhood has been such a blessing to me. Everyday, she makes me want to be a better person. Danelle deserves the best. I know I am far from perfect, but I strive to give Ellie a good life and home and one that she will look back on with fond memories. We love to be together. Shopping, playing, going on dates, laughing, watching movies.... I look forward to family vacations, and the memories we will make together. She is very special.

I can't say enough about Shayne as a father. He is the gentle kind. He is soft spoken, and patient. He loves to make her laugh, and see her smile. Over the years (from about the age of one), he has unselfishly helped her when she needed him in the middle of the night, because he loves her so much and he loves me and wants me to sleep. His gentle nature makes him good for the job, even though he jokes around about his lack of sleep. Shayne listens to Ellie's thoughts, and makes her feel validated and understood. He is a great father. We are so proud that he is showing her a good example by going to school, and one day he will have a job with much promise. My love has grown for Shayne so much seeing him as a loving father.

I look forward to Wednesday. We will be celebrating her birthday with Shayne's birthday on May 17th, and a small outing to the Thanksgiving Point Farm and Cabela's this Wednesday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELLIE! WE LOVE YOU!!!!

Our "Vacation."

Here I am.... vacationing.

Spending my "Hawaii" trip on the couch in Provo, Utah wondering what to do with myself.

We have planned for months a trip to Hawaii from April 15 - 25. A friend of Shayne's told us "don't worry about buying tickets, we've got stand by buddy passes to burn."

"Fantastic," I thought. "This is a dream. Pinch me." Well, we've had some questionable luck recently, and I suppose I should have realized there would be a 'catch'. I did my homework; found out flight times, different routes we could take, planning every detail, packing, and never thinking that there would be a problem.

April 14th I was beginning to worry however, because I hadn't gotten a definite "go ahead" from Shayne's friend. Come to find out, the buddy passes he was referring to were not his to give. He was still trying to get a hold of his cousin (who works for Delta Airlines) to get the passes. Of course, I was discouraged, and left without much hope.

April 15 was a sad day. I was very tearful at the thought of my plane leaving ground without me. I felt sick when it was 6:17 p.m. and I realized that if things went according to plan I would have been walking off the plane reuniting with my Mom and family. I sobbed recalling telling Ellie the day before that, "when we are on the plane, you can look out the window and see the Earth!" Ellie said, "YA! AND WE'LL WEAR SPACE SUITS!!!!" She was thrilled. She wanted to go to the beach and make sand castles. She was overjoyed to see Grandma, Grandpa, and her Uncles. She even wondered if she would see a mermaid.

Later April 15, we got a hopeful phone call. The friend was feeling sorry about having put this off and letting us down. Not only were we let down, but our family in Hawaii were let down as well. All of their schedules and ours were revolving around this trip. The friend said we need to keep looking up the flight schedules, he'll contact the cousin, and we'll be on stand by because we WILL GO TO HAWAII.

Day 2 of my vacation... I am sitting here waiting. Bags packed, zipped up, and literally ready to walk out and drive with a moments notice for the airport. I like consider this to be a delay, but that we are going (we hope). Hopefully, my next blog will either be in Hawaii, or about our trip to Hawaii.

Aloha..... Wish us luck.

Easter with the Munn's 2009

If Ellie were to tell you how our Easter was, she would tell you by squealing and clapping her hands and would ramble on about the great Easter we just had. Easter in our family was so great this year. Our holiday began Saturday with an Easter BBQ with Evan and Monyka, and ended Sunday night with the Munn family in Springville. The Easter Bunny made a few visits hiding eggs (at the Burrows home, our home, and the Munn home), and Ellie considers herself a professional egg finder now. Today of course we are all feeling a little sick from the large amounts of candy we have eaten, but are reflecting on the the special weekend we just had.

Thank you to all our family who helped make this Easter such a great holiday. Thank you to Evan and Monyka for the always enjoyable BBQ dinner, egg hunt, egg decorating, and of course Ellie's surprise ponies. Thank you Sarah and Mom M for their dinner and egg hunt, and the magnetic earrings. Thank you to the Volways for the Easter surprise they brought over Friday night that made my day. We love you all so much! We are so blessed. We hope you had a great Easter too.

Love, the Munn's.

Why is this happening?

I have debated whether or not to publicly put this on my blog, but something has been heavy on my mind this week.

March 19, I got a knock on my door. To my surprise, it was an animal control officer telling me that they had received a complaint (didn't tell me who from) that some was accusing me of being cruel to my dog, I don't feed her, and that she barks "ALL DAY" they said. I said, "ok, we're working on the bark part because she has just started training to not bark," so that was understandable. However, she didn't bark in the evenings whatsoever, and therefore, she wasn't violating any sound ordinances. That was the least of their concern, they were more concerned that someone claimed I don't feed my dog, and I was cruel to dogs.

I firmly told the officer that SHE IS FED. She is fed PLENTY. Two meals (with gravy - every time), we give her our healthy table scraps, and she is also taking a vet prescribed vitamin daily. However, she does appear to be on the lean side no matter what we do. Daisy sees a vet, more than my entire family goes to the doctor per yer - COMBINED. We've had her examined for worms or another reason that she might be small, and all the vets say the same thing; she's just thin, but healthy. This is totally normal.

Back to my story; the officer said, "yes, she looks like a healthy dog, maybe someone just doesn't like you."

Yes, someone JUST DOESN'T LIKE US. I've been renting this home since September 2008, and I have never heard even one complaint about her bark, or her weight until just two weeks ago. I did have a neighbor not so kindly put us in our place about Daisy going poop on our yard when we first moved in, and I think it could be this neighbor that is getting me so frazzled at the moment.

I was of course, very displeased that someone would think I had it in me to be cruel to my dog. Daisy is a very spoiled little dog, despite how much she makes me crazy at times. She even sleeps under our blankets, IN our bed with us when she is cold (would a cruel dog owner do that?). I passed it off as, "well, they just don't know me," and tried to forget about it over the next week.

Then, this weekend, the mail started coming. It looked like someone had went on the internet, google-d "free and trial offers," and started to mail things to my address. However, instead of my mail saying "Laura Munn," in it's place it said, "Cruel to Dogs" and "Shut your dog up," and mean mean things that were personally meant for me to read. I have recieved magazines, trial bottles of vitamins, catalogs, and for now all free stuff, but ALL with degrading names on their labels.

Day by day, the mail keeps coming. I feel completely violated and stripped of my personal confidence to live here. It seems like someone is watching us, and I need to watch my back. I'm home alone all day, so it is frightening to think that someone hates me so much to mail me such heartless things. What if they hate me enough to hurt me or Ellie?

I asked EVERY close proximity neighbor. I have told them about the icident I had with the police only a couple weeks ago, told them I am a good dog owner who feeds my dog, apologized for the bark, told them about the mail, and if they ever had a problem to talk to one of us personally and I was going to call the police. It had to have been someone close enough to see Daisy from their back door, or the few times during the day light that she might have been out long enough for someone to see her and be annoyed by her bark.

During this process I found out I'm not the only one getting the harrassment mail. Another neighbor is getting things sent her her home that are cruel. Some of her mail seemed more cruel than mine. She was relieved to find out that it isn't just her - and now she isn't a lone with her worry. She is thinking about selling her house. I'm worried if this worsens, I might be leaving earlier than I had hoped as well. I think someone is trying to get me to move, and I'm not going to stick around long enough for them to really hurt me or my family.

I have an idea of who it could be and I have called the police. They can't do much, but I needed to cover my bases. It's in their records. Not sure what I'm going to get in the mail tomorrow, but I'm scared to look. As far as for now, I will follow the advice a friend of mine got from her mother who works for the postal service.

First, keep everything you get that is addressed to you with the cruel names -- especially the junk mail and anything with handwriting on it.
Second, have your neighbors do the same and document each incident as well.
Third, my mom says to keep calling the police and let them know you understand that they may not be able to do anything, but you want it documented that you called and complained. You could even request to speak with a detective.
Lastly, if you feel like this is getting out of hand, go to the postal service website www.usps.com and there should be link there that you can click on that will take you to the Postal Inspector's page where you can file a formal complaint. The Postal Inspectors are the LAW!

I guess I don't really have a point of posting this blog, other than to tell you how very scarey this is to me, and get it out in the open should anything more happen. Telling as many people I can about it also so they can watch out for us maybe, and if they hear of someone who knows anything to let me know. I hope everyone knows that I'm not cruel to dogs. This accusation is ripping my heart out. I don't have it in me to be cruel to anyone or anything.

I doubt my harrassment mail will stop. Once your "name" is out, it's out everywhere so I expect to get much more mail addressed to "Cruel to Dogs." I will be upset every time I see it, but words can't hurt me. I am bigger than this.