S'mores :(

August 29, 2011. Danelle had just finished school and I at the end of my second time with my new daycare child, Trevan. Shayne was anxious to go pick up a used car with Patrick, and I was watching Kaitlyn downstairs as I said goodbye to the guys. Danelle came running down the stairs with her guinea pig in her arms. I took the pig and she said, "MOM S'MORES IS HURT!!!" Just as I took her, Danelle went on the floor and said, "SHE FELL AND NOW IS WALKING LIKE THIS" and dragged her legs behind her. It was my WORST FEAR for this pig.

Unfortunately, I have seen this before. (Flashback.) I got Cocoa when I was only 11 or 12 years old. Our classroom guinea pig had babies and since no one wanted the one with "weird fur," my heart warmed and I took the little guy home. Cocoa was well loved and cared for for three years and even went through a move from Ohio to Utah with us. Then when I was 15 years old, my cousin came over for a visit and wanted to hold Cocoa. Cocoa was up on her shoulders when he started to gnaw on her hair. It wasn't meant to happen but Cocoa was accidentally dropped on his back, and from then on walked dragging his back feet until his back feet grew to heavy to pull. I tried to save him. A month later, he was deteriorating right before my eyes and it became evident that Cocoa was in trouble. At this young age, I told my parents I thought Cocoa should be put to sleep...

I have to admit I over reacted when I realized S'mores was hurt. I wanted so badly for Danelle to be wrong in this case, but after a quick evaluation I realized S'mores was badly hurt. It seemed familiar and extra heartbreaking to witness this again already knowing the odds were against this little pig. I ordered Trevan to go home (since his Dad just came home) and commenced yelling at Danelle to find out what happened. In a state of panic, and seeing me so upset, Danelle lied and said that Trevan had dropped our pet. I believed her because we had let Trevan hold the guinea pig before and he was scared of it. I continued yelling at her because she wasn't allowed to let friends hold the pig and telling her that she knew Trevan was nervous about the guinea pigs and shouldn't have let him hold the guinea pig!

I sobbed up in my room with Kaitlyn for quite a while. I was upset that I hadn't been up in Danelle's room watching them to prevent this from happening. I cried for the pet that was only four months old and would most likely die. I cried to think that I was trying to do a nice thing by babysitting and this child dropped the guinea pig. I cried about everything. The seven stages of grief were hitting fast, even with a guinea pig who hadn't even died yet. I felt the shock and denial, pain and guilt, and anger and bargaining most at this moment. I wished so badly I could go back 10 minutes and save this pig from a horrible fate.

For Danelle's sake, I decided to try to save her pet. I could see her going through much of the same trauma as I was and she was an emotional wreck after what happened. She and I both were crying all night. I put S'mores in a "hospital box" and set her in my room. That was a long painful night... for everyone but especially the pig. I could hear this sweet animal in her box "crying" and having labored breathing all night long. I took this as a good sign though - maybe her back was not broken after all like Cocoa's was... maybe she just broke a leg and could be saved! I resigned that night that S'mores had to be seen by a vet.

The next day, before my trip to the Pet Hospital however, I learned the truth about what happened to S'mores. Trevan told his mom and dad that Danelle was playing rough with the guinea pig and accidentally dropped her. He was too scared to hold the guinea pigs (just as I thought). I could feel the truth in his words, decided to ask Danelle about what REALLY happened, but seeing her pet going through this was punishment enough and to not make her feel worse.

I took S'mores to the vet shortly after. I brought her in and set her box on the table, my eyes filling with tears already. Once we were back in the exam room and were with the vet, we all took a look at the animal. The vet was feeling her back and legs and it was then that we confirmed that she IS feeling pain. I felt some hope! "Oh that's a good sign right!?" The vet told me, "it could be but there is some neurological damage to the spine. It could just be compression, and she might regain ability after the swelling goes down." The only way to confrim was to get x-rays which I did.

At this point the vet was honest with me, telling me that the outlook did not look good. They suggested in their own way that S'mores be laid to rest because the amount of care this guinea pig would need to survive alone would be a full time job - literally. Not to mention but S'mores was not eating or drinking (due to pain), and that alone would kill her. While I appreciated their honesty, I still had to get the x-rays done to know FOR SURE. If there was a chance that S'mores had a chance (broken leg, hip, or spinal compression) we could have saved her and she could have lived normally.... right? It was more for my peace of mind that I handed over $200 for the tests.

The x-rays did not look good... tears filled my eyes when I saw with my untrained eye a very distinct break in the middle of her spine. It was horrible. It was at this point the doctor told me again that they think we should put her to sleep. The pain she was in (with no medication available for such a small animal), her not eating drinking, and the amount of care required - I knew what had to be done. I sat there alone in the room with S'mores for the last moments of her life, stroking her and telling her how very sorry I am and I knew Danelle was. We loved her so much.

Not long after, peacefully asleep with sedation already, S'mores died on August 30, 2011. Born April 29, she was still a baby.

I planned to wait to tell Danelle what had happened. I wanted to find a time when Trevan was home and we could talk alone. I didn't expect Danelle to run straight up the stairs and into my room to check on the guinea pig though. The guinea pig was already buried in my mom's back yard at that point, and Elle wondered where S'mores was. This is when I told her, "Elle... S'mores died while you were at school." The news hit her FAST and painfully. She broke out in the saddest cry I had ever seen. I explained what happened in a way she could understand but I had to ask what happened. It was then that she told me the same story Trevan told me and she apologized to Trevan (and later his parents).

The seven stages of grief were prominent in my six year old at that point. The tears flowed for days. Danelle still cries if we talk about S'mores. She wishes almost every day that this didn't happen, and I do too. We often talk about S'mores and how sorry she is that she dropped her. I have explained that S'mores knows it was an accident and forgives her for what happened. It seems to help in waves. Danelle learned a lot from this experience and is being extra sweet, careful, and loving with the remaining guinea pig who needs her.

Right now I am helping us both go through the stage of grief of reconstruction and working through, and acceptance and hope. I don't think this will happen to Chocolate Chip, and have seen Danelle learn from this in ways that I underestimated from a six year old. RIP S'mores. We love you.