Where is my BRAIN!?

Where is my brain!? A question I am asking myself far too much lately. Recently,  Shayne was laid off along with 18 other employees.  I can't say this surprised us much though since they laid off 30 people only six months before. Truthfully, it was a dead end job that we are not sad to see gone,  but it paid the bills (and nothing more). We were just grateful  Shayne had work. It's been almost three weeks since this happened. Every day gets a little harder than the day before. 

Since this happened I stepped up to help my family through this difficult time. Shayne usually does the heavy lifting when it comes to providing for the family but when I took on full time babysitting hours, I felt the weight shift square on my shoulders.  I feel so blessed to have these friends to babysit for and for giving me the extra hours necessary to help fill some gaps. The boys I watch really are like family when we are together. I couldn't ask for a better arrangement.  

However, I take care of the family finances as well so I am on overload - especially with so little to work with. Bills are quickly piling up and while we have managed to stay afloat this long, we're sinking fast. The stress is often times too much to bear. My head often pounds thinking about everything there is to remember and what's coming next. Nothing seems clear or easy right now and I find myself distracted and spacey lately.  Even moody.  The only thing getting me through the day sometimes is my Diet Dr. Pepper, and I won't lie - - -  chocolate or ice cream.  

Friday I was overwhelmed with worry. It wasn't a bad day,  but my brain felt full and there were not enough hours in the day for what I needed to get done.  Ellie had her Singers Company show that night too. Just the week before she missed her performance because my brain went missing and I wasn't going to ruin this for her again. Thinking I had her costume all together,  it would have been easy but the bow went missing and we turned the house upside down looking for it. No bow. Realizing she was going to be late, we left without it. 

Driving there I thought I had reached my breaking point.  I was ready to toss in the towel, put in my 30 days notice to the landlord, and give up. I was on the verge of tears and feeling helpless and hopeless as I took my bowless kid to her show. Once at the mall, I ran around to spend money I didn't have on a bow. I found one AND glitter and raced down to give Ellie the makeshift bow. I had done it. I did something right. The show was going on,  just like life goes on. Ellie did an amazing job. In no time at all, I forgot my worldly problems and nothing else mattered except my family and this moment.  

Watching my daughter perform that night gave me the intense sense of pride and joy. Yes, for her and her amazing developing talent but also in myself for doing what it takes to get things done - my perseverance to get where I want to be someday. I am not a quitter. Money doesn't buy happiness and I have everything I need as long as I have my family. As mentioned in Ellie's show during a song called Life's a Happy Song; "You've got everything that you need - - right in front of you!  Nothing's stopping you, nothin that you can't do that the world can throw at you!"

We'll get through this. One day at a time working together. It may be stormy now, but it doesn't rain forever,  right? 

Faith over Fear

 

The other day, I was looking up quotes about faith on Pinterest.  I had a friend who was struggling with a problem, and thought I would share it with her.  Realizing it was a good quote for many, I posted it on Facebook hoping it would uplift, motivate, or help someone else as well.  The quote said, "God doesn't give us what we can handle, He helps us handle what we are given."  I liked it because unlike other similar quotes such as, "God does not give you more than you can handle," this quote suggested that what happens in our lives does not have to do with how 'strong' we are as much as 'that's life.' Truthfully, no one has enough strength to 'handle' everything we face in life.  We will experience struggles, pain, hurt, and confusion. We need His help to handle them. Through Him we can be made strong. 

Later that day this quote took on a more personal meaning.  It seemed like fate had brought to to it, because yesterday afternoon, Shayne was laid off from his job.  Having been there before, the thought of being tested like this again seemed unfair. I went through many emotions when Shayne gave me the news.  Old feelings festered as I thought about starting the process of collecting unemployment, barely making ends meet, and trying to find Shayne a new job.  We did it once, could we do it again?

Other feelings are coming to the surface too as I wonder if a move might be in our future.  Not just a move down the street, but a move out of STATE.  Shayne graduated June 2012, nearly two years ago.  Since then, he's applied for healthcare jobs up and down Utah without even a nibble.  However, healthcare and the job market are booming in Texas so we have to ask ourselves if perhaps we should take that tremendous leap of faith and look for work there.  I keep telling myself it might only be for a couple of years and once he has experience in the healthcare field he can work almost anywhere.  He just needs to get that experience.  A couple to three years in Texas would fly by, and we'd be well on our way to better life.  I suppose I could try to be happy in another state.

I'd miss the mountains.  I'd feel awful missing births of nieces or nephews if we left.  I'd miss having my most of my in laws and friends within ten minutes each direction, and other family and friends within a few hours distance. I'd miss holiday gatherings and fun summer play dates among all our children.  I'd miss this house and the life we had here in Spanish Fork, a city who is near and dear to my heart. Most of all, I would miss my best friend and Mom. I'd miss calling her up on a whim and going to grab an ice cream or to get some milk at the store.  I'd miss having her a minute from my house, ready for anything.  I'd miss all the random pop-in's we do during the week. The thought of leaving her makes my heart literally ache inside. 

I've been thinking about how life in Texas would be.  Despite all the things I'd miss, we'd not be going out there to be alone.  I have family out there, excited and happy about the thought of us relocating.  My sister Sarah, and her wife Alison, live in Round Rock.   Evan and his fiance Molly live in Austin.  David is also in Austin area, and my cousin, Kristl, who I am close to in Fredericksburg.   It's not like we'd be living somewhere in exile, lonely and depressed.  I am sure that I would also find comfort in being around those who share my religious beliefs and could make close friends within a new ward setting.  Going to church meetings and activities would not be taken for granted.  Perhaps Texas might even strengthen our testimonies of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Shayne continues to apply for jobs in Utah, and Texas.  Only time will tell.

If there's one thing I have had to learn in my life, it's to trust God's plan for us.  Have faith, even if that's all we have left to go on.  I don't know why Shayne was laid off at this time, but I know Heavenly Father is mindful of us and he WILL help us handle what we've been given.  Say a little prayer for us... we're going to need it.

"Birthday Season"

Starting the end of March, my family goes through what we now call "BIRTHDAY SEASON."  Liam starts our season off March 29, then Ellie April 29, Kaitlyn May 7, and Shayne May 17.  There are other birthday's dotted in there within the family too, but as you can see, this time of the year keeps bouncing!

LIAM IS ONE!

I can't believe that Liam is one year old already.  The year honest and truly did fly by. Liam accomplished a lot in that year.  Within his first year, he learned to roll, sit, crawl, walk, and climb.  We got seven teeth, and a lot of "head bonkies."  Liam loves cars and making toys move.  He also loves swaying and grooving away to music and knows how to say "Mama" and "Dada" pretty well.  He also likes to mimic me when I yell out, "ELLLLLIE!"  Liam is pretty clingy to his Momma, and is nervous around a lot of people but it's improving day by day.  Liam loves to eat and taste things.  He also likes to blow raspberries on our tummies. We had an "out of this world" birthday party for him, complete with rocket ships and space aliens. Shayne's sister, Sarah, made a couple of really cute cakes, and we had a blast watching him enjoy his presents and smashing a piece of cake.

ELLIE IS NINE

Ellie is getting so much older, it's hard to believe that in only nine more years she could possibly be on her way to college, a mission, and managing the responsibilities of adult life.  I hadn't thrown a big party for her in a couple of years, so I decided to shake off my party cobwebs and what we could do to make her feel extra loved this birthday.  We really got into the movie FROZEN this winter, so I wasn't surprised when she picked this for her party theme.  We invited about five friends and all her many cousins to come over for a party.  We played "Pin the Nose on Olaf," and "Do you want to build a snowman?" which involved kids wrapping each other up in toilet paper and the first team to make a snowman won.  There was a lot of laughter and despite Liam being pretty sick, the day was perfect.  A few days later on her actual birthday, she proudly wore her birthday ribbon to school, and I loved bringing her class treats. Shayne and I took her out to a nice Chinese food buffet later that night, and we celebrated as family with cupcakes.  It was a wonderful day.

KAITLYN TURNS FOUR

As if being the middle child weren't bad enough, poor Kaitlyn had to wait her turn for birthday fame.  For months she had been saying, "May 7th!" as her birthday and she knew that she would be turning four years old.  Kaitlyn really wanted a FROZEN birthday like her sister, but accepted her title as "birthday princess" and was royalty for a day with a princess party.  Kaitlyn was so happy to finally be the center of attention and she loved all the gifts she received that day.  For her actual birthday it was raining, so we ate McDonalds in the house, watched a movie, and let her blow the candle out of her own personal cake we had created at Macey's.  Even though it was hard waiting her turn, Kaitlyn loved her birthday and that made it all worth it to her in the end.

SURPRISE SHAYNE!

After Shayne's birthday last year, I told myself that this year I would throw him a surprise birthday party.  It seemed weird to me that after being together 14 years that I had never surprised him on his birthday.  It must be the "planner/talker" that prevents me from really keeping surprise birthday parties a secret or something because I haven't been able to really pull one off before.  About a month before his birthday, I planned for our families to meet us at Los 4 Amigo's for a surprise birthday dinner.  A week before I bought decorations and noise makers.  Finally the day had come and everything was set.  Our mom's carried a brunt of the work by decorating and making the cake.  Getting Shayne to go to Los 4 that day was not easy.  It was his birthday, and he wasn't in the mood for Mexican food.  I told him that I got he kids all excited about going and wondered if we could still go, and even though it was his day, he agreed to go.

Driving there was slow and painful.  It seemed like he was looking for anything else for the family to get excited about, other than Los 4 Amigo's.  We were running late for his own party and I just hoped that he would be happier once we got there.  Finally as we turned into the Los 4 parking lot, we both noticed a car that looked like Jessica's (our sister in law).  Then I noticed the rest of the family cars.  I was worried he would figure it out before it was time.  Then we came up the the door and he noticed the big birthday mural on the wall.  He claims at this moment he thought, "oh shoot, it's already someone's birthday here" but didn't add up that it was for him.  It wasn't until everyone yelled "SURPRISE"  and he saw his family sitting there that he realized it was a surprise party just for him.  We ordered some nacho's to share with the group, and had a wonderful meal of 'usual's.'  Shayne seemed very pleased with the day and I was happy that I finally got to surprise him.

Now that we've wrapped up four out of five birthdays for the year, I can relax until it's finally my turn in September.  Birthday season might be over for my family, but it's only begun for our combined family.  We are sincerely thankful for our families who showed their love and support for us during these birthdays and birthday parties.  We are so blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives.    

Tick Tock, Tick Tock

I never really gave much thought into "biological clock's" or what that must feel like.  I guess I assumed "feeling your biological clock ticking" had more to do with aging women who were single and childless, longing for more in their life.  I am here to tell you that feeling your biological clock does not discriminate.  Even if you are married and have children, it's still possible to feel its painful ticking (although I will add there is a HUGE difference between MY ache and the ache of someone who doesn't have children or partner).  There's really no other way to describe how I have felt since having Liam other than "my biological clock must be ticking."

I always only wanted three children; two girls and a boy. As luck would have it, that's what I got.  Two girls, and my boy.  I always planned to be done having children by the time I was 30.  And again as luck would have it, I had all the children I thought I wanted by the time I was 30, even with the minor set backs with infertility for three years before Kaitlyn.  However, even from the moment I gave birth to Liam, I have been aching to possibly have another one.  It's almost unsettling, actually.  I had a beautiful plan that I was blessed enough to have happen, and now I wanted more. 

Maybe it was because the birth went so well.  As many of you know, I was fortunate enough to have my vbac work out perfectly with Liam.  Maybe it's because Liam was such a wonderful and easy baby.  Maybe it's because I have my boy, and would love to have another one.  Maybe it's because almost everyone else in Shayne's immediate family has at least four kids and I would like that too.  Perhaps it's to live a life without regrets or always wondering what might of been if we had another baby. Either way, there is this silent haunting feeling that I kind of want another baby I can't seem to turn off.   It might not happen, but I CAN'T say I won't either (as in literally, I can't physically say the words "we're done" yet).  

What's even more unsettling is that I can't say for certainty that I WANT another baby either.  Raising children is extremely demanding and I have very little time to recoup as it is.  I can hardly keep up with our hectic lifestyle and there are times that having the three kids is purely overwhelming.  Then there's the financial aspect to take into consideration.  Even my health complications and postpartum depression struggles are something to consider into the equation .  While I can't say NO to having more children, I also can't say YES either.  I have simply resigned to keep the door open and see how we feel a year from now.  After a year, I think it might be too late to "start over" with a new baby, due to our age and stage in life.  

Life with three kids is amazing.  In a couple short years, the prospect of vacationing and going on outings with our kids will be much easier.  In just over a year, I will have two children in school.  In less than a year, Shayne and I might even get to start going on small overnight trips just the two of us for the first time since having children.  Life would be amazing.  But then again, so could life with four children.  I believe it's not possible to regret having a baby, and while having a baby might limit the things you can do, it doesn't stop you from having fun and enjoying life.  I guess best thing to do right now is just take a day at a time and see if I move onto the next phase in my life which doesn't involve pregnancy planning, pregnancy, and newborns.  I might not be able to hush the ache, but hopefully I will be able to make peace with it and feel content live life without question, doubt, or regret.  Until then, I live with the ache and possibility.

May 2014

So many things have happened since I last wrote in my blog.  It seems there just isn't enough time in the day anymore for blogging... or anything else for that matter.  There are not many moments in the day or night that someone isn't needing something from me.  Welcome to life with three kids :) .  I say that with a smile.  Life with three kids has been challenging for me to find more time for everything, but I have loved staying busy and being an active part of my kid's lives.

Liam has grown leaps and bounds since my last post.  He has been such a wonderful baby.  The past year has flown by!  Liam was about 11 months old when I realized that weaning him was just around the corner.  The thought surprised me.  We still haven't quit yet.  I think it bothers other people more than it does me for example when well-meaning  mom says, "he's plenty big enough to drink from a cup!" Maybe it's because might be the last baby, or maybe because it's just easy, I keep nursing though. My attitude about having a third baby has been dramatically different than with my other kids with my motto being, "if it works - DO IT."  I have been breaking all kinds of 'rules' with him that I would have never done with the girls.  Co-sleeping  doesn't bother me with Liam, where as I strongly protested it with the girls.  Liam doesn't bathe everyday, whereas I bathed the girls every day.  Little things like that, nothing major.  It's taught me a lot to just go with the flow.  I also don't complain as much about baby-ism's that used to bother me.  Teething, not sleeping, and making me hold him too much just don't seem to bother me like they did when the girls were babies.

Kaitlyn seems to have turned a corner lately.  She's understanding things so much better lately, and is such a pleasure to do things with.  Kaitlyn used to struggle to go to bed, giving me a bedtime battle everytime, and now goes to bed with ease.  Granted, she has to fall asleep in my room and I move her to her own bedroom (to keep the girls from fighting too much) but as mentioned in the previous paragraph, I am doing what works.  She's more trustworthy too.  I know that if she goes outside for a minute without me being there, that she will stay close to the house.  She listens pretty well most of the time, and I have been so proud of her.  She's going to be starting preschool this fall.  I have her enrolled in a three day a week preschool from 12:30 - 3:00.  I think she will love the socialization and I am looking forward to the guilt free hours to do my homework.

My schooling had to take a backseat this past month as well.  I found that it was stressing me out, and affecting my family life greatly.  There was never enough time for it, and other things had to sacrifice.  The other hardship of school is that often time, it was being used as "me time" which we all know is not "me time" at all.  I decided to push it back until the fall when  hopefully I will have that 12:30 - 3:00 window where Liam will be napping and Kaitlyn will be in school. I hope it works out. Quitting school was hard to do.

Ellie keeps getting bigger everyday.  It's really hard for me to look like her much like a little girl anymore because she is so grown up.  She is the biggest help when I need her too.  She's doing extremely well in Singers Company this year.  I am thinking about trying her out the the Utah Valley Children's choir and seeing how she likes it.   I can't believe that she is already nine.  I am only half way away from her going to college or possibly moving out.  I worry about her every day too.  I never feel like I am doing enough for Ellie.  The younger kids demand so much from me, that sometimes it hard to really feel like I can connect with Ellie as much as I would like to.  Yesterday we played "Go Fish."  I hope we can find those moments more often.

Other than that, life keeping going on like it always has.  It's hard to think of all the updates over the past year, and I can only hope that I will have more time like this to post blogs as I think of them and not constantly be back tracking.  Blogging used to be such a delight to me; it would be nice to feel like I can type out my thoughts and feelings as often as I used to.  Anyway, this was a start.  Here's to more blogs in the future :) .

Bringing Home Baby

You’ve just had your third baby.   Everything seems so wonderful when you’re in the hospital, and then  on the way home you feel the tears and emotions starting to set in.  For the first time in months, all the ‘build up’ from expecting your baby is over.  For me, it feels like leading up to Christmas; you have your wonderful present, but can’t help feeling sad it’s over. 

I just had our third baby two weeks and five days ago.  Coming home to my two older girls and now having the added responsibility of my wonderful newborn son seemed really OvErWhElMiNg!  Not to mention but after having a baby, experiencing blood loss, hormones stabilizing, recovery, and lack of sleep, you may even have moments where you don’t know how you are expected to manage your new life.  Tears come and go, and you might feel yourself losing control.  Here are some things I have learned over the past two weeks to help see me through this time of adjustment and roller coaster of emotions.

First of all, timing is everything.  Looking back, I wish we had our baby in the later spring or early summer because it’s still too cold to enjoy the outdoors, rainy, snowy, and cloudy much of the time.  However, getting pregnant on a schedule is sometimes easier said than done and I have to grateful Liam came in March and not January (I contend with January blues every year, let’s not add baby blues on top of that).   Here’s how I am coping;

• Know that the first 10 days of recovery can be hard, with the first 3-5 being the WORST. After 10 days of normal baby blues, you should start feeling dramatically better.  I have heard of baby blues described as up and down, but if you feel yourself going down and not going back up, you may be developing postpartum depression and should consider contacting your doctor for help.
•  One thing that would have helped me would have been planning the accommodations for my older children better during the hospital stay.  My attitude before the birth was that this was between my husband and our mothers.  Little did I know that the lack of planning would interfere with my time with my husband at the hospital and it seemed that our kids were struggling with not having proper planning.  If I had to do it over again, I would have asked each parent to take a day to help the kids the entire day, with Shayne only staying with them at night.
• Since baby blues lasts 10 days to two weeks, I think every new dad should try to get the first two weeks off of work to help their wife through the hardest part of the adjustment period.  Shayne had a week off of work, but ended up taking 10 days because I was simply not ready for him to go back to work so soon.
• Keep it simple!  You aren't going to get back into your usual routines the first day being home.  For this, I suggest taking meals and help when they are offered to you.  Remember that paper plates are your friend, and have simple breakfast and lunch ideas ready.  We bought some small boxes of cereals that our older kids loved, Hot Pockets and small bags of potato chips for lunch.  I was lucky enough to think ahead and have some freezer meals prepared beforehand. I only wish I made meals that my girls would eat more willingly.
• My doctor suggested walking in the sun to offset some of the hormones.  I like the idea of natural remedy’s to help with depression; fish oil, vitamin D/calcium supplements, exercise, laughing, Wild Orange oil or Balance from DoTerra, and talking to friends and family when I need them.   Every afternoon I watch a funny movie to give me a laugh and break up the day. I have always been sensitive to medications so a medicine free alternative is my way to go.
• Nursing is wonderful and demanding.  My son, Liam, nurses every two hours on demand.  My sister in law suggested I start watching a show to help me get through these late night nursing times.  I have been watching The Wonder Years on Netflix to help me through.  One episode is approximately 24 minutes long and about the exact time I need to finish feeding my baby.
• One thing we do to bring the family closer and wind down at the end of the night (and I really look forward to it too) is to have a family movie time.  Around 7:00 we are all ready for bed and we sit down together around the couch for a family friendly movie.  Each of us gets to take our pick of the movie of the night, and we eat popcorn and snacks while enjoying our new baby and time together.  I don’t know how long we will have this around.
•   I was lucky to have a gift card from my sister that I saved for something special from Christmas.  I am glad that I hung onto it because online shopping helped me a lot through those first days.  I look forward to the day it comes in the mail too so it’s like a bonus.  Getting anything in the mail those first few weeks are wonderful.  I looked forward to the occasional card or package from friends and family.
• While I am not doing everything that I used to, I am doing a lot.  I am trying to tell myself to be forgiving of the things that I am not doing or perhaps not doing right and focus on the things that I AM doing right.  Keeping the right attitude is important. 

• Make time for yourself; this is the hardest one and the one I still struggle with.  You need time for yourself, even if it is a small thing every day.  For me, it can be as simple as watching a movie while the kids play, going on a walk (even to the mailbox), having a short date out with someone, taking a longer than usual shower, letting Shayne watch the kids so I can lay down, or writing a blog (like this). Doing things for yourself will help you be a happier person.  Don’t let yourself feel guilty about it.

This seems a little like a no brainer and I get this advice a lot too but enjoy your baby while they are newborns because it only lasts for such a short while.  Take pictures, snuggle longer, and slow down.  I was joking with my cousin about losing sleep and planning ahead every night to make sure I get enough rest saying, “no more late night movies!”  To which my insightful cousin who has helped me so much during the past two weeks with her positive attitude said, “There’s plenty of time for that later!”  So true!!!  This simple sentence helps me keep everything into perspective.  There’s plenty of time for that later (whatever it may be)!  The time to enjoy your newborn is now.

Of course we are still having our good days and harder days, but all in all I am happy with the progress we are making towards being a functional and happy family of five.  Every day keeps getting better and I know before long we will be able to function without thinking about it so much.  I heard a quote once that something to the effect of, “these are the best days of our life and we don’t even know it yet,” and I believe it.  So while my life may be far from perfect, I love my life and the people in it.

I hope this blog helps someone get through those first days better than I did at first with my third child.  I am so lucky to be feeling better now with only a few set backs from time to time.  I can’t thank my friends and family enough for being there for me whenever I need them.  I am eternally thankful for Shayne who helps me daily and let me talk and cry whenever I needed him. I am thankful to my mom who came every night for the first week and a half just to pop in and see if anything needed to be done.  I am thankful for my cousin, Kristl, who sends me text messages every day encouraging me and keeping me focused and upbeat.  For my special friends and family who were aware of my hard time and still check in to see how we are doing.  I have felt so loved and I know that the reason I am doing so well today is thanks to the love all around me.

Welcome Baby Liam

10:00 March 28, 2013

I was anxious for my 41 week appointment.  I had tried almost anything safe to go into labor naturally on my own without any luck… For the past three doctor visits I was a “one and thick.”  At my 40 ½ week, I was finally a “two and thick,” and I had my membranes stripped.  All I hoped for from my 41 week visit was to be a four and thinned out because Dr. Crouch agreed to break my water and induce my labor if I were.

During my pregnancy, I was adamant to try for a v-bac, vaginal birth after cesarean.   I wanted a v-bac for several reasons but mostly because I didn’t want to slow down my life after having a baby.  I didn’t want the long painful recovery, and I wanted a better birthing experience like I had experienced with Ellie.  However, v-bac comes with its own strict set of rules.  First of all, you have to go into labor on your own.  Pitocin raises the risk of having a uterine tear by 15%, so many doctors and hospitals will not allow using it during v-bac.  I wasn’t going into labor though; at the time it seemed helpless but electing to have the c-section didn’t feel right.  I carried on two weeks past my c-section date hoping for the best but prepared for the worst.

Every day during the 39^th and 40^th full week was uncomfortable and long.  It seemed like all I could think of was “making this v-bac work.”  I walked two miles a day, ate strange food, endured painful acupressure, drank labor promoting tea, primrose oil, clary sage oil, skipping, and just about anything else that was deemed safe for naturally inducing labor.  Nothing was working, and it took everything in me and the help of my friends and family to stay positive.  The way I saw it, I was going to spend the next 18 years with this baby so why rush it?  Many people tried to help me cope with the idea of having a c-section, but I wasn’t going to give up without a fight. My best hope was to stay positive every day, keep praying, and keep up with the crazy labor inductions even if they weren’t working. 

It all came down to this 41 week appointment.   I knew Dr. Crouch wouldn’t advise I go much further.  “Well, you are almost a three but still thick.”   CRAP I thought.  I didn’t make it; looks like I having a c-section this weekend. Then Dr. Crouch pulled out his note pad and a pen and wrote out three options: 1. Monitor and Wait, 2. Balloon – break water.  3. C-section.  Dr. Crouch asked if I wanted to go home and think about it,  but I already knew that option one wasn’t an option, and neither was option three without trying option two.  “What would you do?” I asked Dr. Crouch.

  “Oh I would definitely try the balloon induction.” 

I answered back, “I think so too!  When would we do it?” 

“You would stay overnight and we would break your water in the morning.” 

“Let’s do it.”

I went home that day hopeful that the balloon would work and relieved that Dr. Crouch even had that option!  I have never heard of anyone being induced that way, so this seemed strange but worth it.  That day I painted my toes, took a long bath, shaved my legs, washed my hair and made it pretty for the next day.  Mom was to meet me at my house around 7:15, and I was to be checked into the hospital by 8:00 that night.  Shayne would meet me at the hospital and sleepover when the girls were in bed.

Kaitlyn was crying when we said our goodbyes for the hospital.  I started crying too.  I felt bad leaving Kaitlyn.  We had only been apart one night since she was born.  I knew it would be hard on her.  I also knew that when I came back home that our world would be completely different.  It was a very emotional moment.

I was really nervous checking into the hospital.  The first hard tackle of the day would be getting my i.v. put in.  With the girl’s births, this part was almost worse than the epidural.  I warned the nurse that I was worried about it and asked if she could put it anywhere else, other than my arm.  That’s when I learned that they can numb you first!  With the numbing, the i.v. went in almost too easy!  My first tackle of labor was complete!

Dr. Crouch met me at the hospital around 9:00.  He had the balloon folley ready, and I was anxious for the next step.  I only wished I went to the bathroom first.  If I had to describe how it felt to have the balloon folley put inside my uterus, it would be uncomfortable; like having a full bladder, and it’s getting fuller by the moment.  It was almost painful, but mostly extremely uncomfortable. Luckily, once the filling process was done, I was comfortable again.   In fact, I could walk around, use the restroom, and do everything normally until the folley had done its job and dilated me to a four. 

That night I tried to sleep despite a blood pressure cuff going off every 30 minutes, the baby’s heart rate monitor beeping, and blaring lights from the computers.

March 29, 2013

It must have been 4:00 a.m. when I woke up and asked Shayne if he could help me get comfortable in my bed.  It was at this time that I coughed and felt the balloon coming out.  I worried at first that I had done something wrong, but the balloon had done just what it was supposed to do!  The nurse let me know that I was a four, and that Dr. Crouch would be in the morning to break my water and let the real induction begin. 

Dr. Crouch called around 6:00 a.m. to let me know that he would be in soon for the induction.  Grateful for the warning, I put on my makeup and got myself all ready for the day. I was very happy that I decided to take a shower and do my hair the night before.  It’s the ONLY benefit of knowing the day you will have your baby… that  - - and arranging child care.

Breaking my water didn’t bother me as much as I expected.  I expected labor to start quickly, and I knew that I would need an epidural (since I was a v-bac) so rather than wait around for the pain, I opted to get my epidural and catheter put in right away.  By 8:45 a.m. I was pretty comfortable, watching Shayne eat his “Dad breakfast” and waiting for the labor to begin.

Once labor started, I started to feel sick.  I was feeling awful, probably from the epidural the nurses said.  Luckily, they could give me something to help with the nausea I was feeling.

10:04; Six centimeters.

11:38; Eight centimeters. It was around this time that I started having my first visitors arrive.  Dad had already been in the hospital for a half hour, and I texted Sarah, Mom, and Mom M to let them know that now would be a good time to come to the hospital.  Baby was close to coming.  I was not effacing as fast as I hoped however, so it was unpredictable how soon everything would happen.  By 12:30, everyone who would be there for the birth had arrived and we were just waiting for the big moment.

Around 1:30 p.m. Mom and Dad had left to grab some lunch while they still could.  The last time I was checked, I was still an eight with some effacing to go so we figured we had some time.  Being shy, I decided to take the opportunity with less people in the room to be checked one more time.  I remember being checked, the nurse turning to her computer and saying, “well smarty pants, you’re fully dilated.”  I immediately called my mom back to the hospital room and we got ready for pushing.

Everyone surrounded my bed and waited for the big moment.  The baby’s heart rate was dropping (sometimes as low as 60) and I was determined to get the baby out as fast as I could to avoid an emergency c-section.  Within three contractions in five minutes, our baby came into this world.  Dr. Crouch told me to “look down here Laura, look down!” and I noticed right away that our wish had come true!  We had a boy!!!  I couldn’t contain my tears and joy when I exclaimed, “it’s a BOY! It’s a BOY!!!”  Dr. Crouch put him on my belly and Shayne and I wiped him clean and cried.  As soon as our son was taken to the warmer, I held onto Shayne and cried the happiest tears ever. 

“Team Blue!! It's a BOY!!! LIAM MARTIN MUNN was born at 1:58 pm weighing 8 lbs 13 oz., 21 inches long!! and no c section :) Life is WONDERFUL!” – Facebook Status

For the next hour and a half we sat in the room with our son and our guests enjoying Liam.  I was beside myself that we finally had a boy.  To tell you the truth, I even wondered if it was possible after having two girls to even make a boy.  Seeing Shayne with his new son was touching too.  You could see the instant bond the two shared and the pride in Shayne’s eyes when we looked at his baby boy.  Our life really did feel more complete with a boy in it.  Life really was wonderful.

Liam has been such a wonderful baby.  He is easy going, a great sleeper, nurser, and fits in well with our family.  The noises of our family don’t seem to bother him, and he has adjusted to our life well.  I had a really rough first week full of emotions and the overwhelming feeling of having three children, but every day gets better and our life is starting to settle back into place again. It’s been a long two weeks since bringing him home (mostly because we are choosing to stay home for a majority of the first two months of Liam’s life), but we are happy and enjoying our new life.

I had so many prayers answered during my pregnancy with Liam.  First, keeping the pregnancy after we found out that I have low progesterone – after catching the problem a little late, it was uncertain if I would have another miscarriage.  Then I had the easiest pregnancy with no health complications.  I didn’t slow down much during the pregnancy which was a HUGE blessing for my family.  I came scary close to needing another c-section, but even that worked out for me.  The v-bac couldn’t have been a bigger success and I have Dr. Crouch to thank for that.  Then of course Liam being a boy and such a wonderful baby; I feel so blessed and forever thankful for a loving Heavenly Father watching over us. 

Welcome to the world little Liam!  We love you so much more than you know! Words can’t fully express our joy when you came into our lives.  It was a moment I will never forget.